Friday, July 03, 2009Defining my Dominance, part IV
Next on the much abused (by me) eightfold path is Right Effort. This is where the distinctions between the mental states start to become a bit muddy, but I'll do my best to make it clear.
Right Effort goes hand in hand with Right Action. Right Action has to do with doing things the way I like a submissive to do them--silly things that make me happy like the correct place to put my clothes or the correct way to make a bed. Right Effort, then, is the mental energy behind those actions.
As I see it, Right Effort means a submissive puts their mental energies in the places I think they should be. Less negative thinking, more focus on positivity and personal choice. They seek out help if they need it, strive toward self improvement and keep at the forefront of their minds how best to serve.
I like the idea of "effort," because it is certainly a struggle sometimes to maintain that submissive stance in mind and body. I have watched pet struggle when he just. doesn't. want. to do something I've requested. I'm never prouder than when I see him overcome the "I don't wannas" and put the Right Effort into our relationship.
Right Mindfulness, for my purposes, means simply remaining aware of our evolving state as dominant and submissive. I expect a submissive to be willing to think about and discuss our relationship on a meta-level. I want to be able to hear what a submissive likes and does not like, what seems to be working, and yes, even criticisms of my dominance. I cannot expect a submissive to communicate without acknowledging that sometimes they will want to talk to me about my shortcomings. I do expect them to be mindful of their desires, their needs, and be able to express them (see Right Speech). An unexamined life, to crib from yet another wise soul, is not worth living.
Lastly, Right Concentration
Right concentration as it applies to me is the learning aspects of BDSM and D/s relationships. I expect a submissive to remain updated on events we might attend, current information or websites we might enjoy. I confess this is where pet falls short most often, given his busy schedule and privacy concerns. I do expect in the future he will be more involved with community online and off, to the benefit of both of us.
And I believe that concludes my dominance series. I'm gratified so many out there found it helpful, and I hope to explore more in the future.