Saturday, December 27, 2008Defining my Dominance part II
The first part, here, has all the explanations.
3. Right Speech
Right speech is about how we conduct ourselves through our communications.
As applies to our household, in particular I expect my submissive to tell the truth. This means, if pet does not have time to complete a task I require, he says so. It means that if I ask him what he is thinking, he tells me as clearly and as honestly as humanly possible. It means that if he is stressed, busy, frustrated, he expresses these emotions to me in a way that is respectful but clear.
And he had better never tell me he's "fine" when he's not, or that "nothing is wrong" when something clearly is. I prefer an "I don't know" to a denial of what I can clearly see in front of me.
This means that he expresses his desires to me. He expresses his joy in submission whenever he can, he expresses his sexual fantasies and other slutty type wants. He tells me what he likes, and he is careful about what he doesn't like, because trying to top me from the bottom is not acceptable. He must choose his words carefully when he wants and needs something (a good rule of thumb is to be on his knees, acting as submissive as possible when he's got a complaint--this goes a long way toward easing my irritation ;)
He uses manners, and respectful words. He respectfully asks for what he needs, and is always gracious and sweet. He tells me how he feels about me whenever the thought arises unless he's feeling non-positive things. That he sits with until he figures out what exactly he feels and then he brings it to me in a loving way (I'm not perfect, but he'd better have a really good understanding of why he's critical before he shoots his mouth). These things, in particular, he does naturally but I want to write it out anyway because it does me good to know what I expect so that I can recognize my own source of irritation when it is absent for whatever reason.
When I'm not around he does not speak ill of me (and I do the same, really what is there to gain from badmouthing your love?) He does not keep secrets from me, ever, his truth is my truth and he makes it clear to others that this is so (and again, I do the same. Why would you live a dishonest life with someone? What would I gain from being secretive?)
He maintains daily contact with me via phone, email and texts when we're not together. He checks in just to say he's around, he's okay, he saw a funny thing. Maintaining frequent communication helps keep lines open and everyone in the loop. He is allowed privacy when it comes to friend to friend communication (everyone needs a place where their dominant is NOT, heh).
Right speech is an important one when your dominant is both a person who works with people and a writer. Unlucky for pet, who isn't always the best with his words. He's learned, and he continues to learn and grow as we both do.