Saturday, March 29, 2008Out of the Box
Sometimes I wonder if we should have a disclaimer of some sort:
"Warning, this couple doesn't fit the stereotyped mold very well. Please leave your expectations at the virtual door."
Or something like that. If you took a picture of us being normal, I would not be wearing black leather and wielding a whip. Not that I don't ever do those things, but my normal outfit is more...normal. My favorite clothes to be dominant in are comfy and stretchy, not binding and digging into my flesh. Why should I suffer? Many of the dominants I have met feel the same way--why should I dress up for you? You're the sub, you wear the corset!
Same goes for our sex life. We are a 24/7 couple as we see it--there is no time in our lives in which I am not dominant and he is not submissive. Saying that does not mean that our sex life is always a certain way or another. I don't always climb on top, or demand pussy worship (hee), or beat him senseless (only sometimes bwah). There are times in which I perform oral sex on him (I mean, every dude should get a blow job on his birthday, imho), or any other thing he enjoys. I gain pleasure from his pleasure in bed, as much as he gains pleasure from mine. Sex is a beautifully mutual event, and I think I would feel diminished, boxed in, if I had to adhere to certain rules of dominance in every situation.
In conclusion, being dominant means doing what I want, not doing certain things that "dominants do." My life is mine to choose each moment, being dominant adds a dimension to that which I treasure and take great pleasure in. But that doesn't mean I fit into a box.
Also, I don't punish, as such. I find the concept far to close to parenting, which I do far too much of without having to add pet into the mix. But believe me, when I'm disappointed in him, he feels it. I guess you could call that punishment, of a much more painful degree than a swat on the ass.
Thursday, March 27, 2008Going Limp
An unusual thing happened in bed the other day - while attempting to receive my celebratory oral sex, I went totally flaccid. After a little discussion, we figured out that it was because I felt really uncomfortable receiving something that is typically very selfish without giving anything, first or otherwise. Once we had that bit of information, I went erect again and after pleasuring her, was easily able to receive her gift to me.
Saturday, March 15, 2008Well oiled machines
We are quite busy as always, but lately we've been working pretty well together. We get a lot done, and I really like the lack of guilt I feel for doing things. For a long time, I had trouble executing on orders because there were always things I could have been doing while I was doing the orders... That's cryptic. How about an example?
I say I'm going to clean up the yard, but in my head, I know that my Lady is trapped babysitting the kids while I do that, and she wants a break from them. So, I feel tremendous guilt while cleaning the yard, or I put off the yard cleaning, sometimes too long, or even indefinitely, and that's no good. Not cleaning the yard after I said I was is basically lying, to me for thinking I could do it, and to her for saying I could do it and then not, whatever the reason.
So, long story short, this kind of thing happened for a long couple years, and my Lady has grown really impatient with me for it, and I totally understand, but lately I've been coming to understand my limits better, and my Lady's desires. I've found that it is better to do the thing my Lady wants done, and the thing I said I would do is more important than the thing I think I should do. There's a lesson here, I am working really hard to make sure it sticks.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008Rule Number Seven
7. You are my houseboy. You will assume responsibility for the kids and your regular chores when you are home. That includes morning preparations, evening preparations, dishes, vacuuming, pet and childcare. You will not bitch if your wife chooses to help you. Consider her help a gift from your goddess. You will serve me by bringing me tea and coffee, meals or anything else I require.
You want to hear a secret? Mostly this is here for pet's benefit, because he likes to be the houseboy LOL. But this rule is for me, too. I can refer to this anytime I feel a twinge of guilt or a hesitation to make one more demand on pet's time. Because he signed this contract--he knew full well what he was accepting and promising when he did so. We discussed the changes and rules together at length, with his input being just as equal and important as my own. So I can remind myself when I'm feeling worried that this D/s thing is just not fair that, while I'm right it's not fair, it is exactly what we both want. A fair life wouldn't work for us.
Or, to see it in another light, we do live a fair life, we just take up different parts of the equation than most people do. We both get what we need (when it works) and we both feel loved and cherished. Isn't that what most people want out of a relationship? I'm quite glad to have one solitary space in the world where I can be truly myself without limits or expectations or conformity, and ALSO to have one person who totally gets me and loves me the way I am. He is truly a blessing from MY goddess :)
Saturday, March 08, 2008Getting older, trust
I (Him) am having a landmark birthday soon, 30! Given that, I took a trip to the Dr. and brought with me a list of all the things that were ailing me. The Dr. confirmed, many of them are just because I am getting older.
I never used to take this kind of trip to the Dr, but I do it now because I want to be around and in good health so I can best serve my Lady. So now, against my desires to think I am a young, strapping, healthy and invincible submissive, I have to take some new meds and do some new therapeutic things to deal with my college injuries and general state of well-being.
My Lady has been working on her emotional health, working on feeling her feelings and being okay with them. If she is frustrated, she tries to just feel frustrated and not also feel guilty and paralyzed and mad for feeling frustrated or try to get things done even though she is frustrated with them. This isn't to say she shirks her responsibility, it is to say that she is working on trusting her inner self to tell her what she needs.
Trust plays an integral role in our lives, trust in ourselves and trust in each other. Historically we have had issues, and we have issues now, but we work through them in time. The best thing to increase trust around here is to demonstrate trustworthy behavior. In my case, I trust her to keep my and our best interests at heart when we work and play together since I cannot make decisions. For her, she has to trust that I am really okay with that, and that I want that, and that I mean what I say and want what I say I want.