Sunday, February 15, 2009Defining my Dominance part III
4. Right Action
Right action refers to the way one uses his/her body and (duh) actions.
As it relates to being my submissive, one should behave with respect for self and others at all times. When I discussed "right view," I listed the guiding principles of my household and suggested that those be kept in mind when making any decision. Right action means following through with those guiding principles, making each action taken a reflection of one of them.
From the time pet arises in the morning to when he gets in bed at night (after kneeling beside the bed to say goodnight to me), his actions should reflect his submission to me. If he does the dishes, he does them in the way I've requested--everything from putting things away in the correct place to using the correct dish soap is important.
Right action, in effect, means doing things my way, not his.
This took me quite a while to embrace. I felt kind of stupid, in truth, being so micro-managy. I don't really care how things get done, except, in the end, I do care. I like things done my way--who doesn't? I realized a while back that by not defining these expectations, I was setting us both up for frustrations. When I go to get a piece of tupperware from a cabinet and they all fall on my head due to poor action, I feel irritated. When I feel irritated, even if I don't blame pet, pet suffers because I generally disappear behind a computer or something when I'm frustrated so as not to inflict random petty irritations on my family. He HATES that, would much rather do things like put dishes away correctly. If I define in advance the way things are done that keep me happy, pet stays happier too. I'm still not overjoyed to be so specific and detailed in my dominance, I had hoped to stay more vauge and general. But the more pet knows what I expect, the happier he is and the happier I am. Must be a quirk of either my particular submissive, or submissives in general. The more I am able to define the specifics of a task, the better he can serve me. In addition, when he does do things "my way," I feel truly served by a submissive, rather than feeling like my husband did the dishes. It is a small distinction, but an important one.
If someone puts dishes away at all, I'm happy. If someone puts dishes away the way I want them put away, I'm being served and that is a different happiness. I hope that is clear.
5. Right Livelihood
In Buddhist thought, this refers to how you chose to make a living, some jobs being off limits due to cruelty or other rules.
Here, this applies to my household only minimally but there are some important aspects. Submissives should maintain their positions at their jobs, or seek to improve/change them if they desire. Work should provide stimulation, financial support and joy to a person, but should not be the focus of his life. I don't expect anyone to serve me in a way that puts their job in jeopardy unless the job prevents him from putting family first. Some jobs do, pet's does not.
I really believe that it is worth going to school to procure employment that fufills a submissive (or anyone, really). Working a job that doesn't satisfy your needs is not good service, as everyone suffers when someone hates their job. Good service means self-care, and good self-care includes going to a place every day that is fun and interesting and makes enough money to live.