Wednesday, November 30, 2005On Dominance
I've been thinking a lot about my dominance, largely in its absence lately. Between my writing groups, pet's weekly meetings after work, our kids, the holiday and the EVIL STOMACH/COLD COMBO VIRUS OF DEATH that hit us this past week, you could say our D/s activity has fallen to the wayside (everyone tells you how great kids are, and they are, but no one mentions the germ factory thing).
Result? Fussing, irritability, miscommunication, and all around malaise. On both our parts. Interesting, says the analytical part of my brain.
Interesting to me that dominance and submission are the first things to go when we're stressed because they're difficult to maintain, but really are missed. Also interesting to me is just how challenged I am to be dominant. I know it's not all wine and roses, and I'm amazed at how much of a challenge it is to maintain at times, especially stressful times. I have no trouble accepting submission, but asserting dominance is tough when I'm not sure what kind of a response I'll get.
In an attempt to define the indefinable, I think we've arrived at the conclusion that we are really a female-led couple. Some out there find that label goofy at best, insulting at worst, but it seems to fit us well. I tend to make decisions, pet tends to be comfortable with me in that role.
I'm not a Master in that I don't particularly care to monitor his daily activity, his food intake, his clothing, etc. I don't really want control of those things, or him over all in that way. Not my kink or my personality. This of course does not count sex, because controlling that IS my kink, all the way.
Conversely, there are things I have come to expect, largely that he will run any and all "us" decisions by me and I usually make the final call--with his blessing. Things as simple as where to eat out and as complex as planning the holiday schedule with all the kids and families and exes and such. He feels much more at ease with me making these calls, and I don't mind on the whole
When I get sick or overstressed and unable to make decisions for us, weird things happen in our life. We kind of break down, and we stop operating at full efficiency. Pet gets very confused without me at the helm, and he's a capable intelligent man who was independent for many years before me. He is, at heart, truly submissive I think, and seems to function better in that role. We just work better this way, and acknowledging it has been hard but positive for us.
The thing is, I don't mind most of the time, but I'm surprised at the pressure when I do become stressed/unwell. I feel really marred down by responsibility all of a sudden--the double edged sword of dominance. I have to work on taking responsibility when I don't want to, just as I expect pet to work on being submissive even when it rubs him the wrong way. We'll hit our stride eventually--all this labeling is really only a guideline for us anyhow--to find how we work best in the world--all healthy relationships require flexibility after all.
I do know one thing for sure. Pet has got a colossal ass beating coming. Why? Cause I feel like it *weg*
Tuesday, November 29, 2005"Space Fuck" part 1 of who knows
“My zipper is stuck!” Chase couldn’t get his space suit off fast enough after watching the Zepheryn ship come in to dock. He liked to be part of the greeting committee, which in Zepheryn culture, is done all nude. Actually, Zepheryns never wore clothes unless they needed protection. Their skin was impermeable to even sharp knives, though still soft to the touch. Their planet did not have adverse weather conditions but it did have sharp trees and bushes and pointy rocks, and their bodies were evidence of evolution in such an environment.
“If you’re not ready, we’re leaving you behind!” said Paul, a bit playfully but also dead serious. Chase and Paul never missed a greeting since they missed the first one five years ago. “I got it!” “Move man, move! They’re probably getting off now and are hitting up the boys from section D!” Paul and Chase ran down the hall from the locker room, Chase tripping a bit over his pants, still hanging off one ankle.
They made it to the docking bay just before the door shut. The greeting “ceremony” was about to begin. The docking bay was filled with almost every able bodied man on the station except the captain and a few unlucky bridge crew who lost at a drinking game the night before.
“The doors are opening man!” Paul could hardly keep his dick from going erect as the doors started to depressurize and slide open. Chase was jumping up and down, his balls bouncing around like a big sack with two Uvarsian apple-fruits. The reality was that he couldn’t keep his erection from showing either. There was some hooting and howling and a big man pile at the base of the door when suddenly a silhouette appeared on the now clearing smoke from the doorway.
“I can see her! They’re coming out!” Paul was now pushing his way into the man pile as he yelled this, dragging Chase with him. A single file line of women came from the ship and the room roared. The women stayed at the top of the ramp as they surveyed the crowd. One emerged from the back of the group and started stomping her feet to get their attention. The room of sweaty balls and bouncing hard-ons wasn’t phased. She pulled out a stun gun and aimed it at the crowd, then closed her eyes and fired.
One man in the pile was stunned and was lowered to his back as the rest of the room supported him and quieted down. The lead Zepheryn spoke now. “I guess he won’t be having a good time while we’re at port. Now that I have your attention, I want you all to press yourselves to the wall, facing it. Stand with your hands on your dicks and your eyes closed.” The men scattered to the walls and did as they were told. The Zepheryns disembarked and started moving about the room.
Chase and Paul were next to each other, holding their dicks and giggling. “Quit it man” Chase said to Paul as Paul started to squeeze his dick like he was masturbating. “I can’t help it! I want to cum right now!” “Fuck man, you know they can smell jizz and they don’t want spent men!” Paul pointed his dick at Chase and said “If I jizz on you they won’t think it was me.”
“Won’t think it was you that what?” a Zepheryn said, standing behind the two men. “Nothing ma’am” they both said in unison. “Do you think it was nothing?” Said the Zepheryn to another Zepheryn standing right behind her, laughing a bit. “I think it was more than nothing.” Said the second. The first Zepheryn looked back at the two naked, silent men, and said “I agree. That was more than nothing. We better take these two back onto the ship for a little interrogation.” “Yeah, if they won’t tell us, maybe we can encourage them a bit.” As the two men were being led up the ramp, Chase heard Paul saying quietly to himself “works every time, man, every time!”
Monday, November 28, 2005Guess What?
Check it out! I can't believe I finished the darn thing--and it weighed in conveniently at 50500 words or so. Woot!
I now return you to your regularly scheduled dirty blog.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005Another Excerpt
I'm beginning to wonder if our house is the tummy virus capitol of the world. I have a sick little one and one hand to type with, so here's another NaNo excerpt, enjoy!
Edan leaned in to kiss her harder, and licked the corner of her mouth gently as the kiss ended. She felt goosebumps rise on her arms and legs and she breathed in sharply. Jordan smiled. "You know her already," he said. "She is a girl that begs to be tasted." He leaned over and kissed her then, sliding his tongue into her mouth where it mingled with hers. She could taste wine and cheesecake on him, and he ran his hand up her arm with a light touch, grazing the hairs and making her shiver. Edan reached his hand around the back of her neck, and still he and Jordan had not let go of each other. She tipped her head back and Jordan leaned in to bite her neck roughly, the way she liked. Edan kissed her mouth again, more boldy this time. His kiss was different from Jordan's, more sensual and insistent. He took his time exploring her lips with his, gently sucking her lower lip into his mouth and licking the sensitive outside of her lips until she was panting slightly. Her panties were already damp thanks to the attention of her two sexy lovers.
Abby felt the attention shift slightly, and opened her eyes to see Jordan loosening Edan's hair until it flowed down his shoulders. She watched as he caressed Edan's neck and Edan, leaving his hand behind Abby's head, leaned over to kiss Jordan. This was no awkward virgin kiss, and they both leaned into it with eagerness. Abby saw both men hard beneath their jeans and managed to say,
"Shall we remove some clothing boys? You look a little uncomfortable." She reached over to Edan and lifted his shirt off over his head. Jordan and Abby both stared for a moment at the chiseled body before them, then Jordan let out a low whistle.
"Only you two could look even better without clothes. I am almost embarrassed to be so lucky right now." Abby ran her hands over Edan's bare chest, then stood him up to remove his jeans. His cock stood out from his body, and Abby pulled him into her arms to feel it up against her. He responded by gently thrusting his hips, placing his hands at her waist. She kissed him again, this time he allowed her to penetrate him with her tongue, and they played for a few moments. She felt Jordan step behind her and shifted her weight back to let him know she wanted him close as well. He pulled her top off, then her pants but left on the black bra and thong she was wearing. She was warm, surrounded by men. Abby turned to face Jordan and Edan pulled her rear into him, cock resting neatly between her cheeks.
Sigh..........is it wrong to be jealous of your characters?
Saturday, November 19, 2005Toy Drawing Assignment
Mistress gave me an assignment to draw all our toys, as though they were a photograph. Here are my drawings du jour; all in pencil and some then covered in charcoal because it is messy and fun!
On collarme.com I found a link to this guy who makes his own leather toys. After reading around a bit I decided a suede flogger wasn't outside our realm of ability, so we went off to the fabric store in search of suede and glue.
We found faux suede and glue--we'll see how it turns out. The materials are so cheap, even a total failure will be worth the practice and money.
At the check out counter the little girl manages to ask us "so what are you going to make". Pet and I, while we may seem very cool (bwahahaa) are not very cool, and we looked at each other and giggled like idiots. We then attempted some lame cover up story about him teasing me about making too many crafts or whatever, but the fact is she knew something weird had just happened and she finished our transaction at light speed. If we're gonna be this kinky, we're gonna have to figure out how to lie better or feel more comfortable outing ourselves to strangers.
Barely 18 Counter Girl At Fabric Store: "So what are you guys making?"
Me: "A homemade flogger. They're so expensive to buy."
Her: "Um, what's a flogger?"
Me: "Something I use to smack this guy's ass with. It's really hot. You should try it."
And, in related news, pet was holding out on me! He had ping pong paddles and didn't tell me! Now when I use them I will remember that...
Thursday, November 17, 2005How to Procrastinate NaNo--from a pro...
Play dress up with cute chibi dolls of yourself!
Aren't we cute?
Wednesday, November 16, 2005Last Night
Instead of playing house rules last night during House M.D. we decided to have sex. Crazy, I know. Anyway, She led me into the bedroom, and kissed me a few times, then made me put the strap-on on Her. Shortly after, She had me naked and face-down on the bed with a few words and gestures. She then tied my hands to the new corner restraits I made, and blindfolded me. She slid a couple pillows under my belly to keep my ass up in the air.
She pulled out every toy we have into a pile on the bed. I heard all this happen and it took a while, and it made me wonder what She had in store for me. She even went over to the computer to turn it off, though I didn't know she was going to turn it off, and I wondered if she was going to masturbate or something and leave me tied up on the bed (which I probably deserve for being so "snarky" all the time).
Once the toys were all on the bed within Her reach, she started to play with my body a little. She traced me with the swatter, and swatted me a few times. She spanked me with Her hand a few times too. Then She went back to the swatter and really railed on me a bit. It felt really good!
I heard a ripping sound, which meant she was getting out a condom. She put it on something, and then poured lube into my ass. I felt a gentle probing in my asshole, ah, it was the plug. A great way to start stretching my ass. She pushed it in slowly, then faster, then too fast as my ass started burning from the sensation. I told her it was too fast and she slowed down, and that felt really good. She left the plug in and told me it was time to ride her. I agreed. She unhooked me.
She laid on her back and I put another condom on her dick, after giving it a little blowjob (which is probably nastier than a real blowjob because the rubber that that thing is made of smells afwul and tastes even worse). I then slipped a condom on her, and then straddled her as she has me so many times. I had a hard time getting it in my ass, and when I finally did, I was practically laying on my back with my feet by her head and my head by her feet. It was good, but all I could do was rock a little, and it wasn't very personal.
So I slipped off her, turned around to face her feet and show her my ass, and we slipped it in again. This time was a score; as it penetrated me deeply, it also felt far better than before, even when she manually did it or I used the suction cup on the floor. So I continued rocking and getting my groove on, and then I started really pounding away. Unlike before, too fast was not fast enough! I kept pounding until I was almost to orgasm. I hovered there for a while when she exclaimed "I want to hear you cum!"
I grabbed my dick, continued sliding my ass up and down Hers, and within seconds I had creamed all over her thighs and the bedding between her thighs. It was so awesome! I cleaned Her up, then She continued to clean Herself up, and then she grabbed her vibrator. Again, within seconds, she was cumming loudly and I was stroking Her arms and stomach. It was way hot!
Tuesday, November 15, 2005Musings
I'm almost at 25000 words, so what better to do than procrastinate by writing here? Besides, I've got stuff to say.
I've been a neglectful Domme of late. I finally, finally see my lovely pet willing to submit, whole heartedly and happily, and here I am blowing him off! I must have lost my mind! I blame NaNo and Stewie, but really it is my responsibility now to make sure we're all on an even keel.
When I exert my dominance, I see us both function better both in and out of the bedroom. If I was forced to define us at this point, I would say that we have become an entirely D/s couple sexually with overlap to our daily life. I generally pick where and when and dole out rewards and punishments as needed. He is free to express desires, and he is cheeky enough to go his own way (like getting into my panties without asking). I think he likes the punishments lol. I notice we both start to get antsy if there has been no outward expression of our D/s "ness" for a day or two. Both of us lament our current situation, which is full of joy daily and also not really lending itself to time alone and wild screaming scenes.
I have to say here publicly that I am so glad and proud! that my husband has decided to go on this journey. We are better for it sexually and otherwise. Now it falls to me to maintain and cultivate, and I need to do a better job.
P.S. I need some really good collaring ideas for when it comes time to return pet's to him. This time it's different. Please email me if you have any thoughts at email@example.com. Thanks!
P.P.S. Link stuff--I've found many good F/m blogs (secretive slave,leo, spirit, justme, etc.), but none of you guys (if you read) seem to post very often and I'm not sure if you have given up the ghost or if you are just not frequent posters. I'm going to group all you slowpokes in a separate link section of "errant posters". Just know that I like your stuff, and would love more!
Sunday, November 13, 2005Maybe It's Me...
But now I see evidence of D/s relationships everywhere. We had the cutest waitress the other night for dinner, and she had on this necklace:
A padlock on a silver chain--from Tiffany's no less. I complimented her, and she told us her fiancee bought it for her because it was "unusual" last Christmas.
I have no reason to believe there is more to that story, but still...I wonder ;) I wonder if she isn't reading this or out there in kinkernet somewhere, submitting when not serving others burgers and fries.
If nothing else, it is certainly a gift idea for you male Doms/Masters/Dommes out there--a padlock from Tiffany's? Awesome. It seems too feminine for my pet to wear to work, sadly, but I'm sure there are some girly subs out there who would get all googly over a blue box.
Friday, November 11, 2005Tagged!
Wow, our first tag. Cool! Here's the challenge:
1. Delve into your blog archive.
2. Search the archives for the 23rd post.
3. Find the 5th sentence, or closest to.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions. Ponder it for meaning, subtext or hidden agendas.
5. Tag 5 people to do the same.
Ok, post 23 was The 4 Senses, July 19th. Here's the fifth sentence:
"I wanted to mention the beauty of the blindfold, though, because, yummy."
Heh, I don't think I have much to ponder to reveal the meaning of that!
I really don't know anyone who enjoys the tagging thing out there, so I'll leave it open to anyone who would like to delve their archives for hidden wisdom :).
Thanks Remmy, we love you!!
Thursday, November 10, 2005Excerpt
Ok, here's a short excerpt from the NaNo in progress. The plot I have calls for nothing really D/s related so you won't see anything like that here, but I think it's fun anyway.
"Wait until you see what else I've been keeping a secret," she said, then went back to kissing him, starting at his waist and moving down toward his cock. He twitched eagerly, but she teased him. She kissed the inside of his thighs and around the base of his cock, breathing in his scent. He smelled like spice and musk and all things male. After a few moments, he twisted his hand in her hair once more and said, "you teasing girl, you're making me crazy." At that she licked the very tip of his cock, then blew cold air over it. He tensed every muscle, and nearly bucked her off his thighs where she was settled. A sly smile grew on her face, she was loving the power she had over him. Finally, after what seemed like a lifetime to Jordan, she lowered her head over his cock and pulled the full length of him into her mouth. He moved his hips to meet her. She began slowly, moving her mouth up and down his shaft, lubricating him as well as stimulating each nerve he had. She plunged down to the root of him (his cock was just small enough for that) and then back up to the tip. She moved her tongue around the underside of his shaft, the most sensitive part of any man and he responded by squeezing her hair. He was not shoving her onto him like some porno, but he had her head firmly in his grasp and she liked it there. Abby licked and sucked until Jordan couldn't take any more and begged her to stop. In one graceful move he flipped her on her back and stopped a moment to catch his breath.
There is more after this, of course. I don't smoke but after writing this scene for some reason I wanted a cigarette...
Wednesday, November 09, 2005Spanking Drawing
My mistress told me she really liked this little sketch I did and wanted me to post it. She also wanted to let the world know that she broke the 46 cent fly swatter on my ass while spanking me last week. We since have purchased a 99 cent replacement, let's hope this pervertable holds up a little better.
Click the picture for access to bigger versions...
Monday, November 07, 2005In Case You Were Curious
I broke 13000 words today.
And half of chapter three is sex. Woot!
Saturday, November 05, 2005She's out and I'm not
The kids are asleep and spending the night elsewhere, and She, my beautiful queen, has gone off to write some of her novel. I have free run of the house, finally I get an opportunity to play my video games, draw, write, surf, and get some extra sleep. So what did I choose to do? Dress up in Her pretty underwear, ass fuck myself with the big purple dildo, and take pictures of myself while doing it for her to look at later.
I didn't ask for her permission to cum while she was out, so I had to hold back every time I got really going. I first took pictures of myself in pin-up poses wearing some black stockings with bows, a black string bikini bottom, and a black bra, stuffed with some of my balled socks. I barely fit into the bra, my frame is so different from hers. The panties and stockings fit very well though. I really liked the cute bows on the stockings. Very pretty!
So after that, I took some shots of my crotch and ass closer up, pulling away the panties to reveal the proverbial rosebud. I was hard so the front of the panties were pushed out and the back pulled into my ass crack, ahhhhh. So nice. It feels good when I pull it out. She knows this too, so when she puts me in panties, She always gives me wedgies with them and then helps me fix them a few times before I put my pants on.
So then I took my finger, smothered it with lube, and punched it into my very welcoming ass. It felt good and stretched for some reason I know not, so I jumped straight to the butt plug. Covering it with a condom and lube, I slipped it in as easily as my finger. Then I slipped my finger in along with it. It's not very big, good for beginner ass-pluggers or tight days.
Since that went in so easily, I popped it out, swallowed the purple dildo for the camera, and then dressed it up in a condom and lube, preparing for descent. I worked it in pretty easily, shooting it 2/3 of the way into my ass before it stopped. I slid it back and forth a bit, working my asshole which was now feeling warm and happy. Then I went over to the desk chair and sat down on it. Sitting really changes the angle, and the constant, dull pressure helps work it the rest of the way in painlessly.
Now, with the dong submerged into my ass all the way to the hilt, I began to rock back and forth on it, simulating riding Her when she puts it on as a strap on and I mount her. I love this feeling, I feel very vulnerable with my legs spread wide and a dick in my ass. So I continued with my ass fucking for a while, letting my ass get used to accommodating the big dick. When it finally was stretched out enough to my liking, I began going up and down on it. I do love a good dildo ride. The flared base is also a good suction cup, so it sticks well to the tile floor and lets me really feel it going in and out.
The whole time I'm doing this, I'm rubbing my cock, but not to orgasm. There is plenty of precum so some I use to lube my dick as I stroke it, and some I eat. At this point, I'm so fucking horny I'll do just about anything; it's how she likes me. I really wanted to come, and I know I would have made a huge mess had I, but I showed some miraculous self restraint and didn't give that one last tug at any time to send me over into the white zone.
Since I didn't come, there isn't really much else to say. At this point, I cleaned up my toys, took a shower, and started fashioning an adjustable 4-point restraint system for the bed. I also wrote this blog entry. I will wait naked for her to return. I hope she is pleased with the pictures and gives me a good spanking!
Thursday, November 03, 2005Nerd Dice
What am I doing here, you ask? Why am I not writing? Well, I'm a teensy tinsy ahead of schedule (no doubt for the last time). I want to flex the dirty muscles a bit so I'm all ready to go when the novel's sex scenes start rolling in.
So here's an account of two nights ago.
Pet and I have an affinity for the show House, MD. We rarely sit to watch television together due to children, time and a general dislike of the options presented. We do love House, though. I think we both respond to his unwavering character. He never backs down and becomes cloyingly nice at the last second like most unlikable but lovable characters do. He's always an ass. We love him. We think he'd make a great third. Plus he has a real life sexy English accent. But I digress...
So around rolls Tuesday night, House night, and by some miracle the children are washed and tucked in for bed on time. I get out our modest but growing array of toys--the wooden rice paddle, the fly swatter, the purple dildo (yes the big one) and the bag of nerd dice.** I picked out a few different dice and had pet deposit them in a tube sock. Then I laid down the House rules.
For each commercial break, he was to pick one die (without cheating and feeling the sides) out of the bag and roll it. The number on the die was the number of good hard spanks he received during said commercial break.
His first time out, he got the d20. Figures. He rolled it and came up with a fifteen, no warm ups for pet. I selected the purple dildo and went to town, smacking and thwacking away at his bare ass. His harsh intakes of breath gave way to moans rather quickly as I hit him on either cheek, then square in the crack of his ass.
Next commercial break, out came the d20 again, but he only rolled a four. I gave him four hard smacks with the fly swatter, which leaves lovely patterns on him, then I stroked his balls with the plastic for the rest of the break. His cock had risen and fell four times now. I love manipulating him like this.
Third times a charm but he pulled a smaller die and rolled a seven. When I shifted on the bed the die moved once more and became fifteen somehow. I chose the rice paddle and happily began spanking pet in earnest. His rear began to glow a soft red all over with brighter welts where the fly swatter had been. The paddle is much more painful than anything else we have and he was howling but never used his safeword.
The next few commercial breaks he rolled low numbers and I switched back and forth from the paddle to the fly swatter. On the very last break, he rolled a d6 and got a four. I let go of all the instruments and used my hand to warm his backside, four hits or more per commercial. He began laughing, and really could not stop until I did to turn the tv off. Upon later reflection we decided that he was discharging pent up emotion through laughter, but wasn't really finding anything particularly funny. Interesting the way we react sometimes.
Once the tv was off, I picked up the purple dildo again and hefted it.
"Too bad you aren't up for getting some of this inside you tonight," I said. Pet has been out of the anal sex running for a bit due to medical stuff.
"Well," he responded, "let me see what I can do."
He had that glint in his eye I love. He may have been laughing, but he was in that place where he'd do anything for an orgasm. I love him there, I love to keep him there as long as I can.
He condomed the dildo (breaking one--that thing is BIG) and lubed liberally. I watched as he moved slowly at first, slipping my cock inside himself inch by inch. He moaned and arched his back to accept more until he had the entire length buried in his ass. He straddled me while I lay on my back and I grabbed the dildo in one hand and my vibrator in the other.
I began to fuck him, first slowly. I pulled the cock in and out of him, letting him feel every ridge and bump. Then, as we both began to breathe heavily, I fucked him in earnest, pumping my cock over and over until he came, in a huge gush all over my chest and I matched him with an orgasm of my own. I lay in bliss while he cleaned me, the toys and himself and tucked everything away for next time.
Ah yes, NaNo may keep my busy, but nothing can keep me away from pet's ass.
**Nerd Dice: that bag of dice you have left over from freshman year of high school when you played Dungeons and Dragons. You know, the 20 sided, the 9 sided, the pyramid, and the 8000 d6 you have in your cool little velvet pouch. The one you couldn't bear to get rid of because you saved up to buy those cool see through blue ones with your allowance and you're just not ready to give up the dream that you might turn back into a teenager and have time and companionship enough to play a live rpg again and have no care in the world other than whether Grelnor the Dark Elf makes it through the next battle. You are a nerd. It is official.
Tuesday, November 01, 2005Nano Fever
Well, I hope to keep the posts as frequent as they are (which isn't that frequent, I know), but I'm in the grips of NaNoWriMo.
I'm attempting to write a novel (yes dirty) in thirty days. Scaaaaaaaaaaary. That must be why it starts the day after halloween.
So, I'll be by, please don't be offended if I haven't and don't return your comments promptly! I've been outlining like a mad woman to get ready.