Monday, July 31, 2006A Year
It's been a year, a little more even, since we started our journey with conviction. A year since pet said he wanted what I wanted, though at the time he had no idea what he meant by that.
Really, neither did I. I knew what I imagined, but not what reality would bring us.
I can say I've changed, I've grown, and most importantly, I've come to a place where I've stopped feeling guilty about being a dominant. I don't feel like I'm asking for something I'm not supposed to, or being disrespectful. I know I love my partner, and I know I take excellent care of my pet.
Any whining he does these days is pretty much his own problem. I don't get all worked up and ready to quit D/s because of his complaints anymore. Because, in truth, his complaints were about fear, not lack of desire. That took a long, long time for me to realize and accept. My own desires felt shameful, for a while. Not now.
When he tells me it hurts, I take it under advisement. When he tells me he's tired, I respect his boundaries. When he tells me he's in need of release, well, he can usually wait a few more hours. He's spoiled as it is.
We've a safeword he's never used. I like that--I know he can whine all day if he wants, but he knows he can, with one word, stop me cold. It's his trust, made vocal. And now I trust him to use it only when it matters. And it never has--I take good care of him, like I said.
A year and I've done a lot toward being the kind of domme I want to be. Now, now it's time for me to train him to be the kind of sub I want him to be. We're moving along, like always.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006The Rice Paddle
Why does pet hate the rice paddle?
Well, he hates everything except our homemade flogger, which is really more of a massage tool than a spanky toy.
The rice paddle is...painful. It has a slight curve, and the top of it isn't level but has an angle that ends in a point. So when I use it, using the back where the curve is convex, the pointy bit leaves some nasty welts. Also, as pain goes, he far prefers the "thud" to the "sting". The rice paddle? Basically all sting. Even the crop has a little thud to it.
I'm so entranced with the masochistic reaction. It is equal parts "yes please" and "no thanks". Maybe it is just pet, but I really get off on his enthusiasm and sheer dislike for the same activity. Interesting.
Tuesday, July 25, 200630 crops today, all of them well deserved
Here's the breakdown:
5 crops for pointing at the giraffe penis at the zoo and exclaiming loudly "Hey look at that giraffe dong!"
10 crops for purposely dripping back-rub oil into Her ass crack.
15 crops for posting the picture of the giraffe penis below (I paid in advance).
Monday, July 24, 2006Sadism
I was never much of a sadist before pet.
Now I find myself with all these evil thoughts running through my head--especially if it has been a while.
Red marks, welts, even a few bruises. The paddle, the flogger, the rice paddle (ooh, he hates that one). The rope, oh yes the rope!
I just want to be rough.
Friday, July 21, 2006Template
I was bored with the old template so I did an update--nice, huh?
Please let me know if you have trouble viewing for some reason (and also, have a way to fix it, because I'm code impared ;)
Thursday, July 20, 2006Return from Vacation
I got back in early, like 3 or 4am. It was a long flight and then a drive after, and when I arrived, I crawled into bed and collapsed. My lovely Mistress climbed over to me and we made out for a little while, then fell asleep.
The next day was wrought with oversleeping, rushing around, and generally getting reoriented to life at home. Even a few days out of sync sends catastrophic waves through our house. After the kids went down, I got out the lotion and did my Mistress' whole body up, starting with her feet.
She disrobed quite quickly and led me into the bedroom. We lay together, cuddling and rubbing naked bodies. We kissed and hugged and ground a little, when my fingers ventured down into her nethers and started probing around. She encouraged me to press on, so I did. I told her how much I had missed her near me, and how much I wanted to eat her pussy. She told me to hold that thought for a bit.
We pressed on like this for a while, rubbing and moving about. She told me she was dry from her recent period, but she wanted me to keep going anyway. She pressed my head down into her pussy, and smothered me with her thighs. We were giggling with joy while I tasted her over and over until she came.
I went back up to kiss her, and we snuggled some more, then I descended and kissed her between her lips until she came again. I rose up to meet her eyes, and she kissed me gently and smiled. She then rolled me onto my back and sat on my knees. She rubbed and kissed my cock until it was hard, occasionally swallowing it.
She attached the conveniently placed condom, then she climbed up so she was straddling me and started to pump me hard. I was deep in her pussy when I started to feel myself coming, and I looked up to see her reaction. She nudged me on with a hefty rock-slide manuever and sent me into orgasm, and then collapsed on me. We lay there holding each other for a while, and then cleaned up for bed.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006Woah
This is a long post about feminist politics. Feel free to skip if you're looking for the usual fare.
I discovered our little blog has been tangentially pulled into a debate over kink and feminism. I hadn't intended to address the issue here, but since I'm getting quite a bit of traffic from the mention, I figured I should say something.
Here's the link history that I am aware of:
First, Rachel Kramer Bussel wrote an article, seen here, about kink and feminism. There is an age old debate about this--is a submissive woman a feminist? Is a woman who gives blowjobs a feminist? Ms. Bussel addresses these issues in her article, and appears to come down firmly on the side of sexual freedom for women, not being boxed in by the now near meaningless "feminist" label.
Second, there was a ton of backlash from people who disagreed with her.
Third, Mistress Matisse weighed in here, and got her own backlash.
Fourth, Ms. Bussel reported on all of this and more at her blog, and specifically sited OUR blog as the--I suppose the opposite of what she was talking about originally. You can see that blog post on her site, Lusty Lady. Scroll down to Monday's posts.
So, I feel totally weird having our blog held up as the "opposite" of women who enjoy submission and blowjobs. I love blowjobs! One of my dearest blog friends, Freya, is a strong and sassy submissive woman who is miles away from a weakling. And feminism, to ME, is all about freedom of choice for women, not about boxing them into the "superior" sexual position. Ew. No way.
In fact, I know a lot of our long time readers are strongly in the "women are superior" camp, and good on you all of course, but I am certainly not. I really believe that the genders are equal, and choosing to live our life or a M/f life or even a plain old vanilla life is something that is within each person's rights. And I don't believe I've ever said I was a person who believed that the only true feminist is one who is in charge of her mate. Bah. Screw that.
**Edited here. After exchanging emails with Ms. Bussel, she confirmed my suspicion that she used our link as a simple example of a female "top", to respond to those who were attacking her point of view. Her link to us was not disrespectful in the least. Wanted to make that clear.
This blog is not political. I am not trying to change anyone's mind about anything. I just enjoy my kink and my life, and I want to share it. That's it. For those curious and coming from the debate to here, please feel free to look around. For those assuming I'm that party of the scary rabid feminist movement, I'm not. I agree with Ms. Bussel. Plain and simple.
And, for our usual readers: soon, I'll have pet report on his delightful return home.
Friday, July 14, 2006By Myself
Pet is off on a trip for the weekend, so I'm on my own. Believe it or not, this is the longest we've been apart since we got together. I'm fine alone, enjoy it even, but I can't help feeling a bit lost without him--he is undeniably a part of me.
I hope he has fun--he deserves time off from responsibility. Especially being my sub which involves lots of little chores and things to keep us on track. And now I have to do those things for myself--oh horror :)
We did sneak in my pedicure before he left though. Some things cannot be ignored.
It is weird being a subless domme for a change. Who will I order around? I guess the dogs are in for it...
Tuesday, July 11, 2006Brief
Wanted to get that other post off the top. Time to move on!
Nothing new with us, but I have a book to recommend. I got a copy of Claire Thompson's Golden Boy the other day and read it in two sittings.
The story is of two men, one just finding out he's gay, the other an experienced Dom. I really enjoyed the story, full of wit and exploration of the D/s lifestyle.
If two boys squick you--and why would that be?--but if they do, skip it. If not, check it out. I found it to be a compelling and fun read. And hot. Very hot.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006Truth
I was perusing comments on my previous posts that I missed when on vacation and came across this:
"I wonder how people who know only what you have written can be so sure that you are a "loving wife". Not to be misunderstood - I could not make a judgment on that question without personal observation, etc. Here in Germany we have a saying: "Papier ist geduldig" - which means, very roughly, that anything can be written on paper - even things which are not true. Now, I'm not saying that you are lying or misrepresenting events, but aren't you at least a bit sceptical of people who are so quick to judge you - even if their judgement is positive - based merely on what you have chosen to narate here."
While his tone is a bit rude, I think, he makes a point. I'm a bit turned off myself when I come across a blogger that seems to feed off of the ass kissing comments he/she receives, and does not welcome dissent of any kind. (no one in particular)
Here is my response, anonymous:
I really don't base much of my life on what other people have to say, good or bad.
I do this blog because when we started this path we had very little in the way of direction. I want others to benefit from the mistakes and successes we have by way of information. They don't have to agree, or do things the same way, any more than I agree all the time with any of them.
This is a community in which the debate can rage very emotional, but we all seem to support each other's journeys. That is nice, especially when in our public lives we are so deeply in the closet.
When people leave supportive comments, I appreciate their support. When people give me advice, I take it with thanks and act as I will. I'm not infallible--if you've read this blog, you know I admit my mistakes readily.
Is what I'm saying here truthful? You probably will never know for sure. I say it is. Sometimes I like to write down a fantasy, and I mark it as such. All else is my truth, pet's truth. But I don't expect anyone to trust that or believe it unless they choose to. Does it really matter? I'm not asking for money or anything. Shoot I don't even have ads on my site, because I want this to be a free place. I'm just sharing my experiences as a dominant wife--for the benefit of anyone who needs/wants it. I don't care if you believe I am a loving wife or not. The only one who really needs to feel that is pet. And he does. That is my truth.
And do I care if the commentors here are full of truth and honesty? Not really. I appreciate each of their opinions and voices and supportive comments (and dissenting ones). Whether they are who they say they are really has no bearing on anything.
I hope each of you gets something out of the blog, and I'm very thankful for the community of like minded people we've found. That is what matters to me.
After all, anonymous, isn't truth subjective?
Thanks for your thought provoking comment.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006Vacation Return
(Read Her previous post before this one if you haven't already.)
Yes, in constant mixed company and situations where I am stressed and fatigued almost as much as when the baby was born, I tend to lose track of myself. I get upset at stupid things like the soda vendor not taking credit cards and Her remark that I shower slowly. In my mind, I am completely justified in all my actions but I am just one person, and quite often, without her feedback and insight, I am still a selfish little teenager.
So I was busy not taking care of myself and our communication lines were down and the result was a cranky me. The rules I broke all had to do with that. The punishment is that I don't get to touch my penis more than to clean it, scratch it, and urinate, for three days, the length of the vacation. The reward I received was for completing a task I had offered to do.
We started in the shower. I was scrubbing her feet, then when I stood up, She turned me around and had me plant my hands on the wall and She began wailing on my ass with Her hand. She kept asking me questions and I kept answering them and if I answered them wrong, She would slap my ass. I kept answering them wrong on purpose and laughing hysterically.
We moved into the bedroom and She kept wailing on me. I kept laughing. Then, when the "discussion" was done, She decided to have me fuck her with a dildo while she magic wanded herself. She had an orgasm quite quickly, and then offered me my reward, which was a blow-job with some anal stimulation. (If you haven't tried this, I highly recommend it. It is awesome and my Lady is the best at it!) Following that I was giddy and sleepy and I grabbed a nap while she caught up on some internet surfing. When I woke up, she gave me the assignment to post at my earliest convenience and so here it is.
Just when you think things are going perfectly, the world turns.
Another lesson from D/s that is serving me well.
We are doing fine, just returned from vacation.
However, we hit some relationship snags on the trip. Big shock--vacations with kids are stressful and overwhelming as much as they are fun and exciting.
I'm constantly reminded that pet needs a heavier hand, more strict attention, than I can always give. Running this way and that through crowded tourist attractions leaves little time for intimacy, connection and guidance.
As soon as my attention is divided in a thousand directions, pet begins to feel out of sorts, confused and generally crabby. And worse, he is completely unaware of it.
At home I can correct this fairly quickly. Some time in the bedroom with the crop and restraints puts things right between us and reminds us both who is in charge here. But on this vacation I had no such luxury. So we simply missed each other, both of us felt outside our normal roles and uncomfortable.
My own lesson here is that my dominance needs to transcend convenience. I need to figure out a way to exert my will even when faced with no time, no privacy, and no ability to do so openly. That will require some thought, and diligence, on my part.
On pet's part, he will have to learn to listen, and to abide by the agreements we have made. He broke many of our simple rules this weekend. That will not be tolerated.
When his reward...and his punishment...have been granted, I will instruct him to report on all the details.