Monday, June 23, 2008Hot wax play
My mistress got out a bunch of candles in preparation for this scene we had a few nights ago. I put on Enigma (1) that has been poo-pooed by professional mistresses as overplayed for scene music but since we have never done it, we thought it was a good idea.
I lay naked, face down on the bed. My lady went over my back to with tweezers to make sure I didn't have any long hairs that could get pulled when removing the wax - she wanted to pull them herself first. My mistress lit several candles for ambiance and then extracted two long, thin candles for dripping. She worked slowly, covering my back with small drops of wax until she had gone through two of the candles.
In that time, I discovered how much more I can leave life-headspace and enter sub-headspace when she places her body parts on me to restrain me. I didn't really need restraining, I wasn't going anywhere or even really moving about or anything, but her physical contact and presence just had this powerful impact on me. I shared this information with her.
As she cleaned off my back when she was through, she had me masturbate. When I finished and she did as well, she took a few pictures of my red-spotted back and sent me off to the shower to finish cleaning up. All in all, a good time, and a nice revelation about my headspace and how her contact relates to it.
Saturday, June 14, 2008A long week of buildup to two intense days
This week we decided we would have a play session on Friday night. We set up out-of-house babysitting and everything was looking fine when we had unforeseen issues with a friend of ours being alone and terribly ill. Long story short, we picked up our kids from babysitting after some conversation over dinner and coffee, and went home.
When we got there and got settled, my mistress confessed to me that she didn't feel like she could play. We had tried some of it before and eventually abandoned ship since our inexperience led to more problems than solutions. Check out our archives, we have gone back and forth on different issues, many lifestyle related, many sex related.
We believe we have the lifestyle part worked out. I am totally submissive to her and loving it, and as I grow confident in myself and my role and my place as her willing servant, she too grows confident and we noticed we barely have any conflicts anymore. It took a long time to work out. My lady told me she read another blog/post/something that called the first few years of a d/s relationship "The Hell Years." We definitely agree with that, working out all the little details of life with another person in a lifestyle where we have few to no role models is hard enough, and adding d/s in the mix makes it even more difficult.
Mixed in with that is her sadist side and my masochist side. She is far more comfortable with the sadist in her than in accepting the masochist in me. I am to blame for that, I was a whiny bitch about a lot of it and I didn't talk to her much about it. That breakdown in communication caused a lot of problems with it, and ultimately led to her feeling uncertain about my wishes to be beaten by her. Regardless of my words, my actions and lapses and techniques to keep her locked out of my mental processes involved in understanding a beating / play session did more damage than words could ever hope to repair.
The worst night of it all was when we lay, watching TV in bed and my back was exposed. She sat next to me and then in her fun, sadistic way, slapped it down on me. I screamed loud enough to wake the neighbors (and more importantly, the kids, which is a big no-no) and she shut down that night. We haven't played seriously since then. We have dragged our gear on vacations to let it sit packed in the corner of the room the whole time. We have opened the cabinet more than once only to close it up again.
Last night, my mistress, after a long conversation where I assured her that I am craving her physical nature, her beatings and pain and all she has to give; she went off to sleep only to wake up extra early, troubled by the whole situation. She felt she wanted to put that part of her away forever than risk hurting me and us. She told me that if she couldn't tell if I was a real masochist or just trying to make her happy, she didn't want to do it. I asked her what she needed to tell if I was; what would start the ball rolling on regaining her trust and embracing this part of our lives.
She said she wanted to beat me on the ass with the TV remote that halted our play before and I had to masturbate to climax while she did it. Not one to let such an opportunity for fun and a chance to start regaining her trust, I leaped to my knees and started stroking my cock with my hand. She played very briefly with my balls before starting to beat my ass like crazy with the remote. It took under a minute for me to reach climax, even after having orgasmed 4 times in the last 2 days.
I look forward eagerly to our next encounter and I am aware of my shortcomings last time around, so I should be able to heal those old wounds and I will be sure to follow our number 1 rule of d/s life - communicate! If you take nothing else away from this blog, take that. Communication between partners cannot be broken or stopped or things go to shit. 9/10 Of our recent problems are communication related.
Wednesday, June 04, 2008New rule
I like to see my mistress naked, and I get a few golden opportunities per day to do so; when she gets dressed in the morning and when she gets undressed for bed. I almost always get up before her, and she doesn't come get me when she gets up, she just goes into the closet and puts on her clothes so when I hear the light switch flip, I run for the bedroom!
Of course, she is a beautiful sight, clothed or not, and when I am finally able to be with her, I am very excited since I've been waiting all morning without her. Because of this, I tend to crowd her while she tries to put on pants and things. So the other day, my lady told me that from now on, if I am going to watch her dress in the morning, I am to wait outside the closet on my knees with my hands behind my back so that she can get dressed, and she gets to feel authoritative and not crowded and personal-space violated.
She likes this rule so much, she has extended it to other times, like if I am waiting for her to be done in the bathroom brushing her teeth or other situations as appropriate. I also like this rule a lot and often get hard while I wait for her.