Monday, December 08, 2008Defining my Dominance
We review and rewrite our contract every year on New Year's Eve. It has become our check in time, a once a year chance for pet to regain equal status and decide whether he wants to continue in service to me or not. One of the things I've not done before is define what it is that I want for my household. I've decided to attempt some exploratory writing on the subject, see what comes up, in preparation for the rewrite. I expect this year's rewrite to be more in depth than in past years.
I'm going to start with the tenets of the Noble Eightfold Path, and see how they apply to my D/s style household. Obviously, I'm going to stray pretty far from Buddhist teachings in the process :) I'm hoping to develop a kind of mission statement for my self and pet out of these writings.
1. Right View
Right View as it applies to Buddhism has to do with being aware of the basic ideas of Buddhist thought. It has to do with learning the precepts and then sort of "meta learning" them so that you rise above any dogmatic approach. You learn things such as the true nature of life and death, karma, suffering, etc. Right view means having knowledge, but only as a starting off point and remembering to remain flexible and fluid.
In my household there are certain rules by which pet must abide. They include but are not limited to:
1. Tell me what I need to know to run my house.
2. Care for my property--physically, spiritually, emotionally (includes keeping doctors appointments and self-care rituals, practicing self-acceptance and honesty).
3. Anticipate my needs but do not assume you know everything.
4. I have the last word in all things, I make decisions and you abide.
5. Total, brutal self-honesty at all times
Obviously these are general principles of conduct. There are many more specific tasks that pet does as part of service, but these, in theory, should color his every decision and every movement throughout the world. There is no punishment as such if he disobeys these rules, but when he does disobey them, my ability and willingness to dominate him becomes limited. I suppose this works as punishment enough.
Right View as I apply it to my own house is that he would keep these five principles in his mind, and strive as much as humanly possible to maintain that view, my view of life. As I said, the adherence to these rules starts as dogmatic but becomes something much more fluid as practice deepens. What was once a forced situation becomes a more natural one, a more fluid one that can accept and release change. Right View is in the knowing what I'm looking for in a submissive.
2. Right Intention
In Buddhism, Right Intention is the active choice one makes to be different in the world. The link above defines it as the "commitment to ethical and mental self-improvement." Buddhists specifically intend three things: 1. renouncing desires, 2. good will, and 3. harmlessness. This is sort of the active phase of Right View. I understand the rules, and now I intend to act on them.
Right Intention applied to my house would take on a specific quality. My submissive should hold in his mind that submission is an active choice. Each task or life choice must be made with the intention of submission and service to/of me in mind. Right Intention for me means being strongly committed to the act of submission no matter what you are doing at the time. This is an energetic shift from a self-serving brain to an other-serving brain. Not an easy shift, I expect, to make.
And now this blog post is looooong enough. I hope to continue this exploration.