Sunday, September 06, 2009Little Things
The difference between a life of equality and the way we live, far as I can tell, is about mostly little things.
Unless you're talking about the sex, which is about big, painful smacky things. Heh.
How I'm different than a wife shows up in little ways. I expect to be put first. Not when you get to me. Not when you're finished with that thing you were doing. Not after you hang up the phone. Not after work, even, although I make allowances for it because I do like my house and the bills paid and such. But it is a choice I make, not you as my submissive.
Nothing makes me unhappier faster than an inattentive submissive. Or a thoughtless one.
That makes me sound terribly demanding, and I suppose I am, but it is a mental demand. I don't expect you to give up yourself, or even your desires, for me. I just expect me and mine to come first, that's all. I'm happy to allow any secondary interests that might arise. I'm even happy with a simple "hey, is it okay if I finish XYZ before I do what you ask?"
But if you don't ask, you can bet the answer will be "no, it wasn't okay." It's never okay to put me off without permission. I just don't roll well as second fiddle, not in my own house.
It is a simple enough rule. Just ask. Never err on the side of forgiveness. I give permission willingly and freely. I don't do well with forgiveness. And I never fucking forget. Sometimes I wish I did, but I don't.
I guess that turned out to be a big thing after all.