Monday, October 30, 2006No Pressure
I've been working a lot lately on being extra nice and caring because she is getting prepared for some big projects and I want her to be as comfortable and concern free as she can be while she's doing it. It's going to take a big chunk of our cuddle time and together time away most likely, since nothing else can be taken away (most of that time is spent corraling the children). So to provide the no pressure environment, I have be extra careful not to be snarky, and to get her whatever she wants with no back talk, and to let love making happen when it happens, rather than try to schedule it or make it happen.
It's been about two weeks since I started and the result has been her calling me "weird" and asking me "what's wrong" a lot. I think it's working. She even said last night that I have been remarkably patient with our lack of intercourse, and again I reminded her that I want to relieve her of concern about non-totally essential things to help her focus on her project.
To that effect, she returned the behavior to me with a no-pressure fucking with a little foreplay, enough to get her dripping wet but not enough to get her ready for orgasm. I was all to willing to prepare her with backrubs and kisses, but she refused. She ordered me to take her from behind and to cum when I was ready. It took a little longer than I expected but still not very long. She felt really good and I wanted to savor her body while I could. I finished and then gave her ass a spattering of kisses before we rolled around into cuddle position again to fall asleep.
Saturday, October 28, 2006Kinky Dreaming
I've had some pretty intense kinky sex daydreaming going on lately. I have been batting around the idea of my lovely domme urinating on me. We talked about it in jest for a while, now it's become something of intrigue and desire. My lovely lady was sitting on a stool and I lay below her, and I happened to notice that if she were to be pants-free, should could easily urinate all over my face from her position. This was totally arousing and I let her know that. I continued to daydream about it for a while longer.
I've seen porn shorts of urination and it's not much to watch, but then again, mainstream porn does lack the certain finesse that real sexual situations incur. At any rate, I hope to someday realize this daydream and discover how it feels to be in such a position.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006Some non-sexual things.
I you were a fly on our wall for a day, here is some of what you would see; these
are some of our more ritualistic things as of late:
I make coffee for her in the morning before she takes the kids to school.
I make hot tea for her as often as she likes, usually responding to her with "as
I "do" her feet at night with a thick lotion and a foot massage.
I wish her good night with a special three-phrase (six if you count her
responses) dialogue every night, even when I'm out of town.
I clear the spot on the sofa between the two reclining sections so that I can
scootch over and be with her or she can lay on me with her head on my lap.
Thursday, October 19, 2006It's that time again, folks!
NaNoWriMo has reared its ugly head again, and I am a slave to its demands. Guess I do have a submissive side after all, heh.
Over the next five weeks I'll be very busy, caffeinated and addlebrained. I'll be here as often as I can, but I expect pet to pick up my slack.
Will this novel be smutty? Oh yes it will. Will there be D/s...dunno. That is much harder for me to write--way too personal.
Wish me luck for a second year win!
Monday, October 16, 2006Note to Masochists
If you continually whine and complain about something (say, slapping), your dominant will stop doing it. If nothing else, the whining gets irritating after a few thousand times.
So if you like it, try to say THAT every once in a while.
Dom/mes need reassurance too, sometimes.
Thursday, October 12, 2006Sex and Candy
I have found (and so has my mistress) that the longer it has been since my orgasm, the more desperate and kinky I get. For example, one hour after an orgasm, something like having my lady urinate on me has no appeal at all. One-two days go by, I'm considering it. three-four days go by, I'm snuggling up to her telling her my fantasys about it. A week goes by and I'm on the ground in front of the toilet waiting for her to get the urge.
So, naturally, her desire to have lustful, passionate sex is realized long after my last orgasm, right? Not so. My staying power decreases exponentially the longer it has been since my last orgasm. One hour after orgasm, if I can overcome the physical issues with getting an erection again, I can last for hours without orgasm. One-Two days go by, I can last a couple minutes. Three-four days go by and we're into the under-a-minute range; after a week, the friction of my tighty-whities on my penis can set me off as I lay in bed next to her.
No joke on that last one either; a few encounters ago I had to take off my underwear to keep from orgasming while I pleasured her from beside her in bed. Usually I leave my underwear on as a protective barrier to keep me from getting too anxious.
What all this means is that there is a happy place somewhere between one hour and one week. We have pretty well established this and based on what she wants at the time, she picks when I have an orgasm. For example, if she wants to get really kinky, she waits 4+ days from my last orgasm before making love again. If she wants a long ride, she does what she did earlier this week, and permits me an orgasm several hours ahead of time so that I'm able to maintain without overstimulation.
Of course, I don't have to have an orgasm when we do have our sexual encounter, be it hours or days between, but my lady is good and merciful and most often permits me one. I think she gets tired of stepping over me on the way into the bathroom.
I love you, my lady!
Monday, October 09, 2006Assignment
Haven't had one of these in a while--a public one at least.
Go get yourself ready for me tonight.
No promises, of course, but I want you prepared.
I want you to last.
So go get rid of the impatient boy urges you have. One orgasm, before you get home today.
Do it quickly, and think of being by plaything while you do it.
Friday, October 06, 2006Co-Dependency and D/s
I'm going to speak abstractly, at least part of the time, in this post. In no way does this make me an expert on D/s, rather I'm simply building from my experience and making it less personal. There you go.
Co-dependency is a buzz word that makes people who grew up in the 80s and 90s cringe. Overused, abused and misunderstood, there was a time when everyone was co-dependent.
The fact is, it is a label for a set of behaviors and feelings that I think get mixed up with submission and service, and the resulting mix can be damaging to a couple. People who act in a co-dependent manner believe they are being self-less, but act in ways that are quite selfish.
I've seen this phenomenon play out so many times. I want x, but I feel bad asking for x because I'm supposed to be submissive. But I still want x. So I'll probably do one of two things:
1. Not get x and resent it, secretly, feel guilty about resenting it, and present that to my dominant as acting really weird without explanation.
2. Demand x after some period of self denial, as though my dominant should have known all along I wanted it.
well and there's this one
3. Manipulate my dominant into doing x, using passive-aggression or other covert tactics.
That last one is my least favorite, personally, and most likely to push me away from my submissive.
None of these are particularly useful to a relationship. Every person has needs and wants, and every person deserves to get what is needed/wanted. As a dominant, I find myself deeply frustrated when I don't know what my sub needs/wants, and am put in a position to guess, or worse, to assume he wants nothing, thereby falling victim to one of the three things above.
I refuse to guess. I refuse to be manipulated, and I refuse to deal with a bratty bottom who is needing something but unwilling to say what. In the end, his withholding of this information hurts us worse than if he just *told me*.
This is a popular relationship dynamic, btw, not just D/s. But subs have the added difficulty of guilt. I'm the submissive one, it doesn't matter what I want. But that isn't true--it does matter what the submissive wants, both to the submissive him(her) self and the dominant.
So it isn't, in my house, "she comes first". It is, rather, "what can I do to make her life easier today?" That includes telling me each and everything I need to know to make good decisions for us. My sub might not always get what he wants (as if I do, lol), but he always gets what he needs, without having to play games or get hurt.
Um, unless he wants to play games and get hurt. Then I usually oblige.
Thursday, October 05, 2006More Housekeeping
What do you think, chance, fishnets with the short skirt? Sigh......someday.
Anyway, as I deleted some, I went about the blogosphere and added some, too. If you run a F/m blog and I don't have you there, feel free to email me. I generally wait a month or two--we've seen these things tend to come and go, and hard linking is a bit of a pain--I don't blogroll. But I like to link to pretty much everyone F/m who isn't selling something, and even a few who are ;)
Tomorrow, co-dependency and D/s.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006Celebration
Pet and I celebrated a lovely occasion together last night, complete with a dinner and a movie out.
Pet did a wonderful job of being romantic, with several surprises for me (and I'm difficult to surprise, generally).
We had an awesome scene, short but sweet, that began with him undressing me (corset, fishnets, etc), piece by piece. This was extremely erotic for me, being serviced in this simple way. I have my sadistic side, but this simple, clear kind of dominance really does it for me.
Given the end result, I think pet enjoys it also.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006Housecleaning
Pet in a maid's costume? Perhaps someday...I do love it when he cleans naked, though.
But today it was link deletion. Sadly, sex and d/s blogs come and go, and several had gone from my sidebar. So, deleted!
If you got deleted and you're still around, please drop me a line :)