Friday, February 29, 2008working on moving forward
This week was a tough one for me as I had a lot of trouble managing my stress levels but I think I have a handle on it now. I started making lists of things I need to remember and putting them in appropriate places, like by the door for stuff I need to remember to do before work. I am struggling a little with setting my boundaries at work and not letting the office be my domme anymore. In my mind I am not there anymore and in practice I am getting better.
I am also working on re-learning my lady's methods and meanings. For too long I have been just getting things done but only bare minimum patches and stuff, not really getting her meaning or her desires right. Now I am working on really understanding her and getting everything right, if not the first time then soon after.
I am also working on adding some thoughts to my process, like when I feel a lull in activity, I check my lady and see how she is doing and I try to get her something or do something for her that she would like. For instance, if she is writing and I am cleaning up, I will come run her feet for a minute.
Anyway, it is a slower process than either of us would like, but better in the long run so I am doing it.
Sunday, February 24, 2008Short Getaway
We got the kids babysitting and left town for a night. We had a lovely dinner, saw a movie, and had some lovely heart-too-heart conversation about where our relationship stands and why. In spite of her cold, a ridiculously noisy hotel room and a tight schedule, we threw all that to the wind and spent all Saturday morning not doing the responsible thing and instead had a lovely little sexual encounter (the sex part of it didn't take long, I suppose you could look at the foreplay starting somewhere around 11pm the night before).
We brought (as usual) a black duffel bag filled with naughty toys and our usual scening gear. I had been wearing my slightly discrete "slave" bracelet all weekend (and as always, my ring symbolizing my submission), and for this encounter she did collar me.
Since she was feeling under the weather, I took the liberty of preparing things for the encounter that she often does, like I grabbed the inflatable butt plug and prepped it with a condom and lube and got it seated in my ass. Every so often I added a little air, and when it got to the point that it stayed in without me squeezing my cheeks together, I did a little dance for her and wagged the dongle around like a tail.
She was very wet and I had no trouble finger-fucking her while she vibrated herself with her favorite magic wand. After she came, I put on a condom and entered her, butt plug still happily residing in my ass. A short while later, I came as well, and when I come with a plug in my ass, I really feel the sphincter trying to close - it's a very different sensation on that side of my body, and always a little surprising when we do it.
The rest of the day was pretty laid back, we enjoyed our shopping and got back a little later than predicted, but infinitely happier.
Friday, February 15, 2008Organization and flexibility
In an attempt to keep order and get everything done, our weekly meetings schedule out the bulk the day, leaving only pre-6:30am and post-9pm available for deviation. A 5 minute slip is often resultant in dinner getting cold or no dinner at all. Even with this schedule, there are three factors that are daily monkey wrenches in our routines.
1. Work. My work and her work keep us separate, since when I work, she either works or is on kid duty, and when she works after I'm done working, I'm on kid duty. My work demands extra hours from time to time, and more often than not I'm pretty sure my boss wants me just to stick around with him just because it is good for business. I do find myself working late hours, usually starting at 9pm and going to really late, and this means we put any post 9pm activities away for not just that night, but the next night as well since I am usually very exhausted the next day and a tired sub is a bad sub, at least in my case.
2. Kids. Per the contract (rule 9), work and parenting come first, and the children are often the dommes of the house. Illness, excessive homework, messes, and stubbornness are things we combat a lot and that means our schedule is often shot. When assumptions are made about the schedule (like me being at work and the kids being at school) and then one or both children get sick, whatever she planned to do for that time slot is now either put off, rescheduled, or done because I came home to babysit. When homework keeps the kids up past 9, our time is shot again, and usually we're cracking the whip on one while the other plays and makes messes and demands attention.
3. Traffic. It's not such a big deal if it's just every so often, but driving as much as we do (across down 3-4 times a day with no cross-town highway), an accident or slowing of cars can add up to 15 minutes of sitting around waiting to go. Me getting home 15 minutes late can be the difference between 5 minutes early and 10 minutes late for her to her next scheduled thing, be it work or otherwise. We see some relief to this in the future, cutting our cross-town trips from 4 to 2 per day, but it's still several months off.
These three factors contribute to the bulk of our exhaustion and scheduling conflicts. Since before 6:30am is basically reserved for sleeping, that leaves us after 9pm given no other issues (exhaustion, kids still up, illness, or prior commitments) to take care of ourselves and each other. More often than not, 9pm comes around and we're barely able to stand anymore, and it's bed by 10. Sometimes we sleep on each other on the sofa in front of a TV looping the DVD splash screen because we slept through the end of the movie. We sometimes spend the time talking and catching up, and sometimes it's our designated free nights or pedicure nights, but it's really tough. Even still, we persevere, and while it may not be an ideal setup, it is what we feel we have to do to maintain our relationship, household, and general well-being.
Sunday, February 10, 2008Dominance is...
Chilling on the couch working on the computer while pet cleans and prepares the house for guests.
I often fantasize about a day when he can do the chores in a thong and collar and I can goad him on with the crop all day Saturday. Sadly, that day has not come yet, lol. Someday.
Our weekly schedule is working wonders for our household organization and our connection as domme and submissive. I know this because we got off track due to illness and everything went instantly into disarray.
I'm slowly coming to the realization that I have to maintain a tight control on things from the general to the specific for our lives to run smoothly. Luckily, having an organizational system helps us jump back on track even when we fall off.
Google calendars, two daily check ins, a weekly meeting, and the firm reminders that I'm the decision maker and he's the decision "doer" have gotten us right back on the horse (though it is the year of the rat).
How do you run your D/s households? Any tips to share?
Friday, February 01, 2008Rule Number Six
6. Be organized. You will keep track of our calendars as a family and remind me of appointments I need to keep. On weekends I will plan your time. If you have plans or appointments for weekends, make sure I know in advance.
Pet has a better memory than I do, and has more fancy technological toys to keep track of our family's schedule and budget so he does those things. Nothing causes us more stress than a disrupted schedule or a missed appointment, so we work hard to keep this in check.
A tool subs who do the organizing might be interested in is Google Calendar. We can share our calendars with each other so that if I add an appointment, he is aware of it immediately via his blackberry and email. We find that things are much more clear when we can both access our schedules. He also puts his work schedule in so I know when he's in a meeting or away from his desk. We also add our weekly meal plans there, so that if one of us is stuck in traffic or away from home the other knows what is for dinner at the touch of a button.
Any organization and destressing we can do adds to our chosen lifestyle because we have more time for service and dominance.