Thursday, August 24, 2006Not Right
I again hesitated to post because I wasn't sure how to word what I wanted to say about our D/s, our sex life in general, and all things related to it.
Things just...aren't quite right. We're very happy outside the bedroom, very busy as always with the kids and the house and the jobs and such. Pet is doing a beautiful job with training and development and is truly lovely to be living with these days. I'm very proud and happy that he's mine.
When it comes to sex, though, my libido made a break for it somewhere in the last three weeks or so. What the hell? I have no reason at all to be feeling a lack of desire for sex, but there it is.
I've analyzed it all to hell, and I hate to say it but I think it boils down to that age old irritation for me--body image. I just don't like my body right now. Often, I do. Right now, not so much.
I'm amazed at how this can hook up so tightly to my sex drive. Nothing has changed, a few pounds up thanks to the end of nursing my infant, but not so many that it matters in my look. I'm still lower in weight than before the pregnancy, even. Still though, the little devil of self-hatred has invaded my soul and won't get out. Bah. I hate that thing. And when I think of being desired, of being touched, it just doesn't add up. You know the old story "how can he think I'm attractive when I look like this?" And then I basically talk myself out of being aroused.
Amazing how, when you think you've conquered something, it comes right back at you to bite you in the ass.