Monday, July 31, 2006A Year
It's been a year, a little more even, since we started our journey with conviction. A year since pet said he wanted what I wanted, though at the time he had no idea what he meant by that.
Really, neither did I. I knew what I imagined, but not what reality would bring us.
I can say I've changed, I've grown, and most importantly, I've come to a place where I've stopped feeling guilty about being a dominant. I don't feel like I'm asking for something I'm not supposed to, or being disrespectful. I know I love my partner, and I know I take excellent care of my pet.
Any whining he does these days is pretty much his own problem. I don't get all worked up and ready to quit D/s because of his complaints anymore. Because, in truth, his complaints were about fear, not lack of desire. That took a long, long time for me to realize and accept. My own desires felt shameful, for a while. Not now.
When he tells me it hurts, I take it under advisement. When he tells me he's tired, I respect his boundaries. When he tells me he's in need of release, well, he can usually wait a few more hours. He's spoiled as it is.
We've a safeword he's never used. I like that--I know he can whine all day if he wants, but he knows he can, with one word, stop me cold. It's his trust, made vocal. And now I trust him to use it only when it matters. And it never has--I take good care of him, like I said.
A year and I've done a lot toward being the kind of domme I want to be. Now, now it's time for me to train him to be the kind of sub I want him to be. We're moving along, like always.