Pussy Worship
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Wednesday, October 26, 2005More on Male Masturbationlaurent asked re: my post about masturbation if I liked the erotic quality, or the rush of knowing pet is doing it for me. Also, he wanted to know if I had other lovers masturbate for me in the past. The answer is a big yes to all three. I have always gotten wet at the thought of a man masturbating--I can trace those fantasies back to the age of 13 or so, but no real catalyst for them comes to mind. And I do believe it is a power thing for me as well as a simply sexy one. I love knowing a man is so hot for me he will jerk off right there rather than wait. I love phone sex for this reason, just kicking back and hearing him get off on the mere thought of being with me. Hot. I am really into orgasm control, always have been. I gush over being in charge of a man's sexual pleasure, watching him get googly with desire then allowing him to cum, or not, at my behest. I've had most of my lovers--all the long term ones--masturbate for me, on me, over the phone for me. Shoot, the other day some random guy YIMed me and masturbated right there--with bound balls no less (I was not looking for this, btw, but had a brief chat about how it felt to be bound, techniques, etc. Good typist, for doing it one handed). I've never Dommed outright before now, as you know if you've been reading, so it wasn't an overt power thing before. It was always hot, though, some of my favorite times. Some of the guys I've been with were pretty bad lovers, selfish, and having that bit of control was quite good. Took me a few more years to learn to ask for what I wanted, and another couple to learn that I preferred making demands. Eh, live and learn! Monday, October 24, 2005PervertablesNow that we are back in the swing of D/s, we've been playing around with some household items. Two days ago, I spent some time moving a silk robe belt over pet, lightly slapping and tickling him with it all over. His lips proved most reactive to the silky fabric. His body erupted in goose bumps. Soon I tied one end to each thigh and tied his cock in between--a kind of spreader bar plus cock ring ensued. Very hot. Silly pet picked out his own instrument of torture at the grocery store--a plastic fly swatter (50 cents or less). This is a light, easy to use thwacker that packs a lovely sting. I love the way his ass gets all goose bumpy and red when I use this on him. He reported that the fly swatter is a bit less painful than the rice paddle we've been using, so he enjoyed it more. His cock hardening nicely proved evident of that fact--too much pain and he goes soft. Just the right amount, however... That rice paddle is fun for me, but he suffers. Do I feel bad? Sometimes....heehee. I turned on the comment verification thingy--sorry about that, but the spam is weird and sneaky now, and I'd rather avoid the issue. I still want to keep anonymous comments, because some of us out here are a bit shy ;) Friday, October 21, 2005F/m BlogVia richard: O/our journey into D/s I am entranced by this self described slave, and his worshipful writings on all things D/s and his Mistress. Lovely. There is just something about foot worship that rings my bell--washing, kissing, licking and fucking. Ahh. Nice. Wednesday, October 19, 2005Masturbation FetishI have this fetish, this thing I love that makes me totally mad with desire yet totally screws me (no pun intended) if I act on it. I love, obsess about, watching pet pleasure himself. This is not new to me, I've always fantasized about watching a guy jerk off. I think this is related to my own need for power--I get wet when I make pet so desperate to cum that he'll jerk off right in front of me, all the while wishing he could do more. Of course, this kind of leaves me wet and wanting, but sometimes it is just worth it to see him so crazy with desire and longing, but unable to do more than the pathetic imitation of lovemaking that is masturbation for a man. Last night? One of those nights I wanted to feel in control more than I wanted to orgasm. So, we cuddled in bed, and I made it very clear we were not going to make love. Then, evil me, I let him give me the live version of the dick and ball suspension pictures. That was hot--his cock gets so amazingly hard and purple when all tied up. As soon as we untied him, he asked me "what would you like to do now". I requested a backrub, knowing full well he would get all excited rubbing against my back and ass (see buns, below). Before too long, I felt him thrusting his hard cock into my ass as he rubbed my back. He left a trail of precum. "You just left precum all over my ass" "I did?" "Lick it off" His tongue left a warm feeling on my ass as he cleaned me. He soon began slapping my ass--this is his obsession, the spank. I don't mind, leaves me warm and tingly and gets him even more excited. Slap slap slap right side, then three on the left, then back to the right. He has a gentle, stingy but not painful slap. His hands are large and soft. "I'll tell you what. You can cum, but only if you can figure out how to spank me and pleasure yourself simultaneously." "Done" He positioned himself over me, then positioned me to get a better swing at my ass. His swings became erratic, then focused and fast as I felt his other hand stroke the length of his cock greedily. It only took a few minutes for him to cum all over my reddened, tingly ass. I enjoyed this exchange. A lot. Of course, left me a bit turned on with a passed out pet (he is so useless after orgasm, seriously if there was a fire he'd probably stay in bed). Tuesday, October 18, 2005MetabloggingOk, so blogger pulling adult content websites has us a bit nervy (and pervy, but we were pervy before). Also, the current trend toward shutting down "obscene" sites freaks us out a bit. But we persevere, because we firmly believe in what we are doing here--we hope we are reaching out to even one person like us who wants to defeat their shame and fear and embrace themselves. We are finally having some awesome sex again, which pet will report on shortly. I am going to be attempting to back up the blog today, so that if we have to move we have all our archives and comments saved. The blog may look funky for a bit, please bear with me! **Update: Blog has been successfully saved to our hard drive in case of big brother. I also fixed up the template so now Firefox users don't get our little "marriage is love" banner in a funky place. All is well in the Temple. If we disappear, we'll be back somewhere, we promise! Monday, October 17, 2005HmShe puts her toe in the water of a "not 24/7 but not only bedroom" D/s relationship with her much more aware and willing spouse. She is scared he is not as willing/aware as he appears, and fears another rejection. But the water feels really damn good. Friday, October 14, 2005Domestic Violence LOTS of debate goes into how to recognize abuse within a D/s or BDSM relationship. The road is tricky, paved with the delicacies of "consent". I'm not going to add to the debate here, despite my own strong opinions. However, this month is Domestic Violence awareness month, and this is a cause near and dear to me for many reasons. So, if you or anyone you know is in an abusive relationship, please do not stay silent. Silence, as Audre Lorde says, will not protect you. Go here. Thursday, October 13, 2005Holy Hot BatmanI've updated the links section--I just add links one or both of us find tasty, and all the links I can find of blogs/diarys that are non-professional F/m, cause I want to spread the love. The newest find is via virgin-slut (and thanks to her): Sharing Dee Yum yum Wednesday, October 12, 2005What do I Want?I want to control your sexual pleasure. I want you to kneel before me with your collar in hand, begging to submit. I want you to say thank you and mean it when you get thwacked. I want to see the look of totality in your eyes, totally owned by another and in bliss. I want you to have your own mind, speak it freely, and receive what you need/want in life. I want your trust, your knowledge that I will fufill your needs/wants, as long as you are mine. I want you at my feet in the evenings, just there to be with me. I want you to be wholly you, in all ways and with all your "faults". I want your submission to be fluid, not bound by the bedroom but not a total exchange, either. I want us to find what works for us, what pleases and fufills both of us. I want, quite simply, it all. Sunday, October 09, 2005VirusI'm amazed at how sleep affects your immune system--or lack of sleep. We've been sick this weekend, which marks my sixth bout with illness in the last six months, not including all the recovering from childbirth. Bleah. Tuesday, October 04, 2005WallsI had a teacher once explain dissociative identity disorder (basically multiple personalities) as a series of walls between parts of a person. We all have them, different roles and selves, but those with D.I.D. have really high walls. When I was healing from, well everything before three years ago, I spent a lot of time with "the girls in my head". I had many different selves that I worked my ass off to unite. I didn't have multiple personalities, thank goodness, or dissociation, but I most certainly compartmentalized myself. Now, I live my life with one simple goal--authentic wholeness. Fuck yeah I've got walls. I've got emotional protections so powerful and deep it can take ONE simple word or action to slam them into place. I can feel myself fragment easily, and I can feel the more vulnerable parts of me cower and disappear behind the strong girl. This marriage, and especially working out Dominance and submission, has pushed every button and set off every alarm I've ever had. I've withdrawn over and over. I stop being intimate, I stop making love, I stop talking beyond pleasantries, I stop meeting my goal. I become the other, the silent strong safe girl who doesn't get hurt by men. She's excellent, smart and sharp, but lonely as hell. I find it kind of weird to reveal that my Domme is not the strong part of me. Well, it is and it isn't. The true Domme in me is wholly open. In fact, I'm not a true Domme unless I'm meeting my goal, being wholly and entirely ME. I love this feeling so much, and it is terrifyingly vulnerable. I've discovered my true self within this process, and the Domme is a part of that. At this moment in time, given my husband's own *stuff*, I am struggling to stay open, to meet my goal, to not protect myself and withdraw. Struggling hard. I don't know how to be sexual with him right now, because it means I Domme. On some level, to be myself, that is there. Bah. I'm so wordy. Poor blog reader, you were probably looking for porn and found drama. Well, we committed to sharing our journey, and this is a part of that. Sorry! I hope the porn will appear again soon, cause I'm as horny as you are!! Monday, October 03, 2005My HusbandI want to introduce my husband, not my pet. My husband makes and brings me coffee each morning and evening. This sounds simple, but is compounded by the fact that I drink blended, iced mochas that he created in imitation of that big coffee chain. He makes them, gets upset when I DON'T ask for one, states he is proud I drink his coffee daily. His are better! My husband asks me countless times a day if I need anything, anything at all. Often, he is put out if I respond with a "no, thanks babe". My husband does the dishes each morning and evening, to my great appreciation. My husband bathes the kids, puts them to bed, reads them stories, and helps them with their homework and other things. He gets on the floor and plays with the baby. My husband loves to cook dinner, though loving something and being good at it are different ;). My husband works a full time job, and I don't (ok, I do work for pay regularly, and I do the mom/domestic goddess thing, so it's not all bonbons and soaps lol). My husband NEVER fails to tell me I look beautiful, to notice when I put time into my appearance, to tell me I'm sexy, or to otherwise be an awesome sweet man to me. I quit talking about my husband to my vanilla girlfriends because they get truly angry and jealous of me. Treat me like I'm at fault for their harder lives. I could go on for days... I've been hurting over all this "am I a sub, am I not a sub" he's going through. I have no doubts I'm a Domme, so helping him through this time is hard for me. I feel...at risk, open and exposed like a turtle on her back. I know my safe zone is to withdraw into myself. Escape so I don't get hurt, remove intimacy and connection. I hate to do that these days, though, because I loose out on my time with my husband. If our sex life is a constant, changing thing, so be it. It is where we are most vulnerable, most intimate, most connected and most close. We should be getting that right, and the amount of work is worth it. |
