Friday, August 05, 2005Talk Dirty to Me
We were talking, pet and I, about many things the other night but eventually the topic landed on orgasm.
I, it appears, am heavily into orgasm control. I can't think of anything that gives me more of a rush than denying orgasm, delaying orgasm, or generally frustrating pet to the point of mania.
The problem, you see, is that the more he wants to cum the more he will do for me. I don't know if it's a guy thing or a universal thing (because I am the same way to a degree), but once he wants to orgasm, he looses all control of his mental faculties and will do pretty much anything.
Why on earth would I let that mood go to waste by actually LETTING him? I am a bitch sometimes, but a fun one!
Turns out that his intense desire for orgasm and fear I won't ever let him cum (more legitimate than he likes) keeps him from dropping into subspace on many occasions. And I appear to react by wanting to quit the whole project because--well, if he doesn't want to relinquish control what is the point after all? It is a weird thing--I know it is my responsibility to make sure we are both taken care of emotionally and physically while I'm Domming--I relish that role and take it very very seriously. I would never hurt pet on purpose--everything I do serves to benefit us both in the long run or I wouldn't do it. I'm not much of a Sadist, just a Dominant. But I see his point that giving up control means risking every time that I won't take care of us both--that I'll let him go for days or weeks without orgasm. To me that borders on torture, but on the other hand every time he subs that power is mine to wield or the whole point of D/s is moot. I don't want to role play or have rough sex, I want to Domme in every sense of the word and if that means no orgasm for weeks, that is what it means. So he has to trust not that I will let him cum, but that I know what is best for our sexual health and enjoyment even if he doesn't think so.
He does admit I've not let him down in the orgasm department yet, even when I did play with denial for a bit. He's not suffered yet in any way, apart from the fear of it.
There is a post at Freya's House of Dreams (a blog I somehow missed but won't anymore) by her husband and Dom that really says things more eloquently than I can. Check it out here. A loving Dom if I ever saw one.
Anyway, here's the fun result of this discussion:
In talking all about orgasm and the loss of self control, pet remarked that he would often jerk off and imagine eating the result. This makes me wildly horny. I get wet even now typing about it a few days later. My god, the smutty, base, slutty thought of him eating his own cum makes my head spin and my clit throb. And imagining him as a teenager (I knew him then, too), holed up in the family bathroom with a Victoria's Secret catalog, caressing his cock and fantasizing about eating his cum, oh yummy yummy. See, I loose all ability to complete sentences.
With the kiddos around, we've resorted to a kind of mutual masturbation that involves him and a webcam for my later viewing pleasure. He gets off on the exhibitionism and I get off on the movies plus his willingness to make them for me.
Yesterday I cued up the new video and found this gem:
Pet is laying on his back with his ass in the air. His body is in an L shape with his lower back and ass supported by the bed and some pillows. His cock, therefore, is pointed directly at his face. He's already quite hard and his hand is moving up and down his cock. I can see his body making those pleasant little movements that say all the nerves are firing, everything feels good. I have an excellent view of his whole body, laid out and bare for me. He is focused, his face intent on his task--lost in the process and imagining what he's about to do. I can hear his breath coming fast and see his chest heaving in excitement. He's panting. He's clearly hot because it is over fast, and jets of cum shoot all over his face and open mouth. The last shot is of his face as he reaches to turn off the camera, clearly covered in his juices.
He did it, he ate his cum for me to watch. Don't I have the best pet ever?