Wednesday, July 20, 2005IRL
If you want to find where your armor is weak, check your bruised spots
- Ancient Kung Foole Proverb
I found that quote here, and while I believe it to be somewhat of a joke in context, I think it describes our current state here at Temple PW quite well and seriously.
Without getting too close to our more sensitive bits (read emotional hurdles yet overcome), I have to say that D/s is really helping us communicate, but man sometimes communication sux. A lot.
We've been so much closer since we embarked on this journey, and with that closeness and surrender came a lot of unresolved feelings from both sides. Crazy--years of therapy and hard fucking emotional work and I STILL have crap underneath. Ogres and Mistresses have layers. I'm amazed at how that shit can still float to the top of my pretty mental lake.
Vague enough? We write this blog to try to communicate what our journey is like, in the hopes that someone else can benefit. I guess I should be more specific if I want anyone to benefit from this drivel.
I guess I'd say that we are in the process of redefining our roles in general as a married couple and a D/s couple. And parents. And children of others, etc. etc. Both pet and I have been working on just what kind of adults we want to be in the world. I myself grew up in a family where they would guilt and shame me into doing just about anything they wanted, and I became quite codependent (I just LUV labels, don't you) as a result. For me, my rebirth was in recognizing that I wanted no one but me defining who I was and what I felt. This has proven a problem in our relationship, because of his upbringing and the expectations put on him. Gotta love family drama.
For me, becoming Dominant helps me clear up my roles in to one simple place, one set of expectations that are not in argument with any other set, and I can be free to get exactly what I need, and to give exactly what I want to give to my partner. I love that freedom. I crave that kind of honesty in my every day life, really, but sadly "IRL" is so much more difficult than a good romp in the bedroom.