Thursday, June 30, 2005Who We Are
ABitDifferent down in the bottom post asked for a little background on us. I can tell you about me, but I'll let my husband tell you about him.
As an aside to that--it is too weird being all incognito and stuff. New email accounts, pseudonyms, all that jazz. I've never been "under cover" before and I find it all a bit strange but also titillating. And isn't that a nice word? Suffice it to say we have jobs and kids, and want neither to be compromised by our bedroom fun!
So, in the vaguest but most specific terms:
I am 27, my husband is 27. We have known each other many many years but have been romantically involved for 3 of those. Before him, I was married to an emotionally abusive jerk. Before that, I was raised by an emotionally abusive jerk. Needless to say, I'm not all that mystified about where my desire to control men comes from.
In fact, I often muse about this--am I sick? Am I crazy? I've come to the conclusion that no, I'm not sick or crazy. My past has affected my present, but who's hasn't? I think my essential "Dommeness" started out one way, but has morphed through much self work into a simple sexual proclivity, much like being turned on by shoes or liking anal sex (ask the pet about that ;). And I'm fairly tame, some might even criticize me for not being "Domme enough". To them I say whatever, it's not your sex life anyway.
I first discovered this side of myself around the time I became involved with my husband romantically. I was seeing someone else, a dear dear man who just wasn't going to be "the one". I've always been fascinated by sexual "kink"--in fact it is kind of what led me to my current career in the helping profession. As this man and I explored, he helped me realize that it was more than an interest, but a desire that I had for dominance, for topping, for exerting my will over another. For me it isn't even as much about WHAT we do, but that we do it my way, when I say and how I say. Though I do get off on certain things, as you've seen and will continue to see. He was a confirmed sub, and helped me explore being a Domme a bit, but by then my relationship with "the guy", my husband, was heating up and I had to end it with this other man. From then on, for me, the Domme thing got put in a closet for a while. But this side of me never went away, never even got smaller. She would sit in her closet and bang on the door and fight to be let out--especially when my husband showed signs of subbing, like wanting anal sex, wanting me to be rough with him, etc. So, we spent a long time talking about it. My husband wasn't comfortable with the idea, and I'll let him explain that to you. I just waited, wanting and leaving that part of me out of it. That was hard, as I'm sure some of you can understand.
I'm so happy that he agreed to "go there" now. I'm so so relieved to let that girl out of her closet to play. Our sex life is amazing lately, too. My husband has commented I'm more attentive and patient, more affectionate now. On my end, I'm just supremely satisfied. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I hope that provided some background.
I just love how pet writes the steamy bits--he's so sexy.