Saturday, June 17, 2006Top from Below
A commonly used phrase, often misunderstood. Besides that, we all attribute our own meaning to the words in this lifestyle--submissive, slave, domme, master, etc etc etc.
But I'll say what it means for me.
My pet is always snarky. He's always got a little goof in his life, and that is excellent. Life is far too serious as it is--to be all dramatic is not really our style. To that end, he is often goofing around, trying to boss me around and basically egging me on to smack his snarky ass. I have no trouble with this. I rather enjoy smacking his ass.
But on the flip side is the true topping from below he sometimes does. He sometimes gets afraid, gets withdrawn, ya know, basically feels human feelings and reacts badly to them. (and I never, ever do that. I am perfect ;) The thing is, he acts very nearly the same as above--little side comments and snark. But the tone is different, and it is clear to me he is rejecting my dominance. That leaves me hurt, confused, and not a little pissed off.
The trouble we have is that I will point it out, and he will insist it is behavior #1--the fun kind. But I know better, and usually after a few hours of thought, so does he.
The great thing about us is that behavior #2 is decreasing greatly as our trust and belief in our chosen lifestyle deepens. As his trust of me and in my desire for his happiness as well as my own deepens.
saratoga wrote about wants vs. needs in his last post, and I understand the basic concept. The fact is, for us, I concern myself with what will move our lives along the smoothest and what will bring us the most pleasure as a family and as a couple. Sometimes that does mean addressing pet's wants as well as his needs. I see nothing wrong with that. My dominance is not a neglectful one, but a loving one. As it turns out, what led us here to begin with is what pet generally wants is what brings me the most pleasure. Bonus.