Pussy Worship
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Tuesday, March 06, 2007BlockedIt's like... Wanting to do all the things my wicked heart desires, but when I reach that moment of possibility I back down. Too afraid, too unsure of myself, too unsure of the reality of the situation. I abhor this kind of feeling. I've lost control of my own control and it bugs the crap out of me. I'm a born domme, of that I have no question, but I do question my ability to take what I want and turn it into reality. And I really fucking wish pet would keep his own anxiety to himself sometimes. As soon as his fears come out, I back down. When you love someone, the last thing you want to do is hurt them without consent. When he's asking to be hurt, then instantly balking when the opportunity arises, it leaves a big frustrated and confused knot in me. I can't deal with my own lack of self-acceptance and his at the same time. But I don't want him to stop talking to me--communication is so important. Maybe I can deal with both, but dude, it is harder than I thought. Amazing after two years of this it only gets harder. More real, I imagine. |
