I've run out of new things to say here.
I'm not ready to kill the blog, I've found a lot of benefit from it. I worry I've become too repetitive in recent months to be worth much to others.
To wit:
I struggle. I struggle with enacting the firm hand we both want for our relationship and our bedroom. I find myself shutting down even when the opportunity presents itself--which it doesn't often, as you all know. I know this is fear, I know exactly what is causing the problem, yet I'm at the wall. I have no idea how to change this internal shut down process.
I've employed pet's help--he's been assigned to be more forward, for a while, about sexual activities, rather than sitting back and letting me decide.
No, that's not right.
I've asked him to wait for me in bed, spanking tools laid out, naked. I've asked him to get out the restraints and ask me to use them. I've asked him to present himself for whatever play we've BOTH wanted but I've been unable or unwilling (though, not consciously), to enact myself.
I realize this is a stepping back of power exchange. I don't particularly like it, even. But I think it is what will get me over that wall, or through it, and into the kind of Domme I dream of being. I'm not really a big fan of this idea, but I've gotten help with it and this is what was recommended. I'll try anything once, I'm kinky after all.
Anyhow, for now we're not going anywhere. I don't want to shut down anything yet. I just hope this doesn't get to be one of those blogs where we talk a lot and say nothing new.
I prefer reality, warts, "boredom" and all that.
ReplyDeleteI've never seen any sign that D/s is anymore linear than normal relationships: i.e., it doesn't always get better. Sometimes it goes backwards, others sideways.
And dominants do not always feel like dominating. I don't know how much you've looked at aspirant's A Slave's Path. Over the years I've followed their journey. She's clearly a good and capable woman and can be one "mean" Domme. But then there've been months when she didn't feel up to it.
And I can think of plenty of other examples in both the F/m and M/f community.
As far as I've been able to "know" the two of you in reading your words you two love each other, understand your natures and strive to be honest and communicate. That is what works in the end.
I don't think that repetition is a bad thing. Each telling can bring a new truth. And in my own case I have to accept nothing happening because for months each year my Beloved and I live in different countries.
I don't know if the above seems like meddling babbling but my hope was to offer you encouragement and I'm sure you know that I always wish the two of you the very best in your shared lives.
I wanted to tell you much the same as Richard has just done! I think you should relate the good, the bad, the trivial, the lot, or nothing if you don't feel like it. After all, it's your blog and to hell with everyone else, please don't feel pressured into being "interesting". We come to read because we've come to care (IYSWIM). I wish you both a peaceful and happy Christmas and all the best for the coming year.
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