I've been struggling about how to discuss the training program I've started with pet, because a lot of it is based on very personal, non-sexual issues.
I might be an exhibitionist but not for the more emotional side of all this. I find that much more private than anything sexual. Sex is commonplace, predictable. Our training program goes far beyond ass stretching and cunnilingus exercises (though we do that, and that is very fun).
Much of my training is focusing on how to help pet be more trusting, more willing to give over, how to maintain his personality and identity as a separate person while still submitting to me. How to get his needs met. A tricky careful dance that is really an hour by hour process.
He's put some basic tenets on the back of the closet door to read each morning.
He mentioned household chores, and yes that's part of it but not as you'd imagine. We tend to split things pretty equally, he does the lion's share of outdoor activities as we live in a hot climate and I'm an air conditioning person. In fact, from the outside you'd see us as pretty traditional, which always gives me a laugh to consider. He is learning to maintain some chores, but the point is making my life easier while getting his needs met so he is happy, rather than doing this chore or that chore. He has to learn balance, or he is miserable. My job is to help teach him how to balance with the strict expectation that he work in all things to make sure I'm pleased.
I'm at my most pleased when he is happy and fulfilled, as well as I am happy and fulfilled. This is the secret of D/s for us--making sure he feels cared for, so that he is free to serve me without worry. But it is his job to tell me what care he needs, and his job to follow through. This is where the heart of our training lies--allowing pet to know himself so he can take care of himself...so he can serve me.
It appears to be going well, so far.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteI am so often surprised at the beauty of the blog postings I read around female led relationships. You didn't have to get in to the specifics of your training program in order for your description of it to be sweetly touching - and a little envy-making.
ReplyDeleteYou've hit, I think, on the core of what I think I actually do want from a wife-led relationship: that sense of being cared for, taken seriously, and being valued - being important to the person I'm in a relationship with and having that importance expressed by being taken in hand and improved.
Thanks for putting this vision out there for me.
Presenting my needs is one of my biggest weaknesses. (This has often been true in my wholly vanilla love affairs as well.)
ReplyDeleteIt isn't that Alexandra doesn't encourage me to. And I know I'm not doing her any favor when I inhibit myself.
But I have this terrible phobia of seeming to be a pest.
richard--you'd be amazed (or perhaps not) at the problems this simple "needs" issue has created for us. It is by far the core of our work toward a more full life.
ReplyDeletejamie--glad to have you by :)
It is the issue of "balance" that is difficult for all of us I think -- how do we present our needs in a way that makes that "transparent" to those who have the responsibility of our care, without being a "pest" as richard puts it. The learning together that you describe is so much a part and a beauty of the dynamic. Thank you for describing it so well.
ReplyDeleteswan
I wanted to say that I agree entirely with your post. I love when we can reach that special place where we are both happy and content. And you're so right that it is not entirely reliant on the sex (because that's much easier to get right and there is so much fun to be had in 'practising').
ReplyDeleteMy D/s relationship with my husband really does change - hour by hour on occasion - it can alter with an inappropriate comment or action by either of us and does require some effort to maintain. I think the results are well worth it though and I think the effort involved points up how lacking in effort a purely 'vanilla' relationship can be.
I hope that things are going well for you,
Blythe
This is an excellent piece on the training in a femdom lifestyle. I really appreciate learning about everyones ideas. Although there are thousands of ideas on training each and every person has different goals in live. Therefore training practices must vary. You have a beautiful outlook on this lifestyle. congratulations. I love your blog
ReplyDelete