I again hesitated to post because I wasn't sure how to word what I wanted to say about our D/s, our sex life in general, and all things related to it.
Things just...aren't quite right. We're very happy outside the bedroom, very busy as always with the kids and the house and the jobs and such. Pet is doing a beautiful job with training and development and is truly lovely to be living with these days. I'm very proud and happy that he's mine.
When it comes to sex, though, my libido made a break for it somewhere in the last three weeks or so. What the hell? I have no reason at all to be feeling a lack of desire for sex, but there it is.
I've analyzed it all to hell, and I hate to say it but I think it boils down to that age old irritation for me--body image. I just don't like my body right now. Often, I do. Right now, not so much.
I'm amazed at how this can hook up so tightly to my sex drive. Nothing has changed, a few pounds up thanks to the end of nursing my infant, but not so many that it matters in my look. I'm still lower in weight than before the pregnancy, even. Still though, the little devil of self-hatred has invaded my soul and won't get out. Bah. I hate that thing. And when I think of being desired, of being touched, it just doesn't add up. You know the old story "how can he think I'm attractive when I look like this?" And then I basically talk myself out of being aroused.
Amazing how, when you think you've conquered something, it comes right back at you to bite you in the ass.
BAH.
I think all femles get that way. I know I do. Cheer up you are a beautiful Goddess, and you have a man devoted to you.
ReplyDeleteMy self hate normally does not last to long, only a week or so. I hope you snap out of yours soon too!
BTW I do love your blog, just never posted before.
Be well
Ms V
If you have an infant, it's possible that what you're feeling is hormonal in nature - even if you didn't feel this way with your other children. If it persists, maybe your doctor can offer some suggestions?
ReplyDeleteI love reading your blog because you're real. You're not afraid to show a balanced glimpse into your life and that takes lots of guts. I hope you're feeling better soon.
Guys have body image problems as well.
ReplyDeleteWhen I've had too much bodyfat she's never let it change anything about our relationship. And by focusing on that I got past it.
Wishing you happiness ...
Thanks all.
ReplyDeleteLady J--He's a bit old now for it to be post partum, though I considered it. I might see about the pills I'm on though--a fairly new one for me and may be having an impact. Thanks for the advice :)
Life is too short, eh?
I think you have a great blog. So please just keep doing your thing. It's awesome.
ReplyDeleteI'm a male so I don't know really what all is..but if having a child like Lady Julie said could be something that steems from that. I think that love is blind when it comes to weight. I also don't think Pet is going to love or care for you any less.
I do know from experience that if your stressed out or totally thinking about that when or before sex...you'r not really going to have pleasure. You probably won't orgasm and not really enjoy that at all. So what could say is try and relax -shrugs- sorry...lol..like I said I'm male and not that big of an expert on womanly ways. So please hopefully haven't offended because that isn't something I'm trying to do.
Dear Her, evn though I am a guy I can TOTALLY relate to this one!
ReplyDeleteEven when I was skinny enough to pass the Presidentail Fitness tests with a maxed out score on all but the run I felt I was fat and unattractive.
Almost 30 years later I am more comfortable with myself, but still have moments when I hate myself for being chronically ill, overweight, and not as strong as I should be. I hat not being beautiful for Lovey.
I am very sorry to hear you feel the same about yourself.
I cant help how you look at yourself, save to remind you that in general most women have a way lower view of thier beauty than guys do. The same is even more so for the few of us LIKE and appreciate women. I am sure Pet is one of us. maybe you should LIKE and appreciate you too.
I hope this passes for you, if not maybe Lady Julia and others are right...see a Doc?
Thanks for posting this - it's familiar as my beloved sometimes says (and I think more often deals) with the same thing.
ReplyDeleteSome time ago I realized that it was her that I loved, and that how her body compared to some societal "ideal" was, really was, incidental to me. It's very easy to be very positive about every nook and cranny of her now, and I love that. I don't know how well I've communicated that to her.
Some time ago in one of your posts you mentioned that communication on "pet"s part was often an issue. I wonder if sharing this with him and getting his reaction (I would hope it's an understandingly positive one) might not be helpful.
Thanks for writing about real life. Love your blog.