This is a long post about feminist politics. Feel free to skip if you're looking for the usual fare.
I discovered our little blog has been tangentially pulled into a debate over kink and feminism. I hadn't intended to address the issue here, but since I'm getting quite a bit of traffic from the mention, I figured I should say something.
Here's the link history that I am aware of:
First, Rachel Kramer Bussel wrote an article, seen here, about kink and feminism. There is an age old debate about this--is a submissive woman a feminist? Is a woman who gives blowjobs a feminist? Ms. Bussel addresses these issues in her article, and appears to come down firmly on the side of sexual freedom for women, not being boxed in by the now near meaningless "feminist" label.
Second, there was a ton of backlash from people who disagreed with her.
Third, Mistress Matisse weighed in here, and got her own backlash.
Fourth, Ms. Bussel reported on all of this and more at her blog, and specifically sited OUR blog as the--I suppose the opposite of what she was talking about originally. You can see that blog post on her site, Lusty Lady. Scroll down to Monday's posts.
So, I feel totally weird having our blog held up as the "opposite" of women who enjoy submission and blowjobs. I love blowjobs! One of my dearest blog friends, Freya, is a strong and sassy submissive woman who is miles away from a weakling. And feminism, to ME, is all about freedom of choice for women, not about boxing them into the "superior" sexual position. Ew. No way.
In fact, I know a lot of our long time readers are strongly in the "women are superior" camp, and good on you all of course, but I am certainly not. I really believe that the genders are equal, and choosing to live our life or a M/f life or even a plain old vanilla life is something that is within each person's rights. And I don't believe I've ever said I was a person who believed that the only true feminist is one who is in charge of her mate. Bah. Screw that.
**Edited here. After exchanging emails with Ms. Bussel, she confirmed my suspicion that she used our link as a simple example of a female "top", to respond to those who were attacking her point of view. Her link to us was not disrespectful in the least. Wanted to make that clear.
This blog is not political. I am not trying to change anyone's mind about anything. I just enjoy my kink and my life, and I want to share it. That's it. For those curious and coming from the debate to here, please feel free to look around. For those assuming I'm that party of the scary rabid feminist movement, I'm not. I agree with Ms. Bussel. Plain and simple.
And, for our usual readers: soon, I'll have pet report on his delightful return home.
Well! She certainly stirred up a hornet's nest, did Ms Bussel (should've been spelled Bustle!). I agree with you entirely. I'm a strong woman, loving my DH unconditionally, I've never classed myself as anything but that. The fact that I also Domme might give her something else to comment on.
ReplyDeleteI enjoy your blog very much - it's a delight to read both your points of view.
Dear Her,
ReplyDeleteYour blog is fabulous! I always enjoy reading about You and pet.
Oh, if Ms. Bussel wants blog that is written by a hardcore Female Supremacist, send Her My way. (very evil laugh inserted here) ;)
It is possible to be a Female Supremacist and still be a LFA. I know, as that I am both. Mind You, how I choose to live My life is not for E/everybody, and I don't think that E/everyone should subscribe to My views.
Anyway, keep up the great work!
All My best,
G.A.
OH, I want to reiterate again that I don't fault Ms. Bussel for any of this--I think her article was well thought out and right on target.
ReplyDeleteIn fact, I linked to her blog, right side, in case anyone is interested in hearing more from her. I enjoy her work, so far.
goddess a--the fact that you acknowledge your lifestyle isn't for everyone is her very point--everyone should get to choose, not be judged, for how they express their sexuality :)
I agree with You 100%.
ReplyDeleteG.A.
For some reason many people lack the confidence to feel their views are right for them unless they couch it as "right for everyone". You don't seem to need anyone else to agree with your life choices to feel good about them and I believe that's healthy and shows how much confidence you have in yourself and your relationship.
ReplyDeleteLabels are ok when they help us to feel a sense of cohesiveness and support but they're so destructive when they divide or denigrate.
As a guy who has regarded himself as a feminist man for a very long time I deeply regret the feminist theorists who see heterosexuality as a constant struggle for power and project this onto the world at large.
ReplyDeleteInvidious depictions of women who enjoy erotic submission is an insult to those hard-working, often very tough women. They aren't necessarily weaklings anymore than my happiness in being made to eat food from a pet bowl makes me a weak man. We have special needs and it would be trying to live up to others' ideas of emotional health that would hurt us.
"everyone should get to choose, not be judged, for how they express their sexuality :) "
ReplyDeleteWhat about those individuals who express their sexuality with animals? Or, if the idea of non-consent disturbs, dead animals?
Non-consent disturbs me greatly. I've said here before that really, sexuality is one's own business unless there is an issue of non-consent.
ReplyDeleteAnd that reaches to any level of non-consent for me including someone in a place of automatic power--doctor/patient for example. The whole president/intern thing even squicks me--using his power to get sex from someone younger and more naive.
If someone wants to have sex with his dog who died of natural causes...eh. I really don't care though the person might want to examine that--the potential for disease alone is kind of gross. Zoophilia is a rare paraphilia, and I would imagine "necrozoophilia" to be even more rare. The example is over the top and is miles away from the more common fetishes/paraphilias. I don't see how citing the extreme rare case serves to further the debate.
Good answer - your tolerance impresses me. You made a broad statement, and stood by it.
ReplyDeleteI apologize again - I was baiting you just a tiny bit - but I've heard simliar tolerance expressed by other people, who suddenly make exceptions in all directions when
presented with a particular case.
Her,
ReplyDeletei think that You have touched on something that has been bothering me for a while and i can't help but call it "my kink is right and your kink is wrong" attitude. At times and by no means with everyone there seems to come across a complete lack of tolerance for people with different ways and ideas which frankly i really find repugnant.Though i am a male slave and proud of it i am not submissive in my day to day life and i really cannot imagine a female sub being any different.
In terms of a submissive being at odds with with being a feminist i find this mind boggling, though in fairness i'm not sure what a feminist is. i do know that i have a daughter who i hope will have the same rights as any other person M or F, Domme or sub i really dont think it matters. Thankfully no one here seems to espouse their own philosophy in such a way as to infringe on others which i believe is the way it should be.
i have been to munches and play parties where i have met Dommes and Dom's who are so vehement and dictatorial in their beliefs and i have thought privately that they really shouldn't be opening their mouths at all.
Ever notice how the stupid know so much and the intelligent know so little?
Anyway, i wrote more than i intended and i hope i didnt offend anyone, and thank You for taking the time to maintain Your blog. i, for one, really enjoy Your thoughts.