Sunday, October 16, 2005Shopping
In the clothing store the other day, we were walking around and She was taking clothes off of really overloaded racks and then trying to put them back on. I was following behind her slapping her ass every so often, stealing kisses, and holding her hand. At one point she tried to put the shirt she had off the rack back on it, but it fell off and took two others with it. I immediately bent down to pick them up while she stood there and watched. Now, I wasn't switched on into sub mode or anything, nor did I have any plans to be, I just did this and it felt right. No resentment present, no "she's so lazy" or anything, just happiness to be there with her helping her out and being at her immediate disposal and service.
Later she told me that she had to fight bending over and picking them up herself, that it was a conscious decision on her part to stand and watch me pick up her unintentional mess. It became hot when she told me about it, though at the time, it was just standard M.O. for me and for us, really.
So, on the collarme boards there is a discussion about the difference between a submissive guy and a really nice guy. I think our relationship very easily mirrors Akasha's relationship with Silver, where I defer to her for daily activities, and then in bed, it gets extreme. When it comes to planning activities and stuff, she plans them and then tells me about them. I tend to find opportunities, then tell her about them and see if they are okay or something we should do. This is quite submissive, and it's a dynamic we have set up without really even thinking about it. Again, it just feels right.
In terms of the D/s lifestyle, I am beginning to see that me controlling when it is on or off is really a bogus premise from the start that I invented to keep myself safe and in control. Really, in our experience, it's not so much on or off as it is a sliding scale with no off position. It's just extreme to subdued, and the only real choice is to accept that it is who we are (or rather, who I am as she already knows) and embrace it or deny it and walk away... yuck.
On a side note, I took some nice pics of my dick last night for her while she was away at work, and to add some flavor to the photos, I got my balls and dick all tied up with rope. I tried the ball stretching stuff and man, did my dick get hard!!!! I hope to do it again soon with her participation, if it pleases her so!